Diary of A Single Black Mother

Have we lost it completely in Kampala?

2011-11-08T15:10:00.000+03:00

When you ask people around Kampala why things are the way they are, the usual response is, "This is democracy". It is democracy that the trash is flooding our city streets because the government promised to clean up. Gone are the days when citizens were obliged by government to clean up public space. Democracy has also brought us massive amounts of vehicles on our roads, resulting in grueling traffic congestion. In fact this democracy is responsible for the death of a government-run public transport system, replaced by PSVs -Private Service Vehicles (of matatus and boda bodas) that have the democratic right to park anywhere, and create a park anywhere. Even the almighty police feel a more democratic right than others over public places like our Constitutional Square and Kololo airstrip, which they have preferred to turn into a police barracks for parking their gigantic armored vehicles, pre-emptive attacks on demonstrators against an aloof government or better still, wash their faces.Democracy is flourishing so much in Uganda that there is no longer a care for shared public space. We have lost our democratic right to collective public space by individually claiming a piece, to dump our sewage, erect a work place or speed past another. Little do we realize that by expressing our democratic rights individually, we are denying others the enjoyment of collective public democracy and ultimately a shared public space!Why the tirade, you might ask? Lately, I have been asking myself a question, have we lost if completely? I have observed that Ubuntu, the essence of humanness and in most cases associated with the African society, seems to have died in Uganda. As a public, we have lost concern for one another in the utilization of public space as community neighbors, market traders, road users or work colleagues. Yet I do not agree that we as Ugandans are inherently hostile to other humans.Picture this; Uganda has just been ranked by Lonely Planet travel magazine the 2012 #1 travel destination in the world. Hooray! Remember, this is the Pearl of Africa! In fact back in the US, we (meaning immigrants) often boast about the hospitable environment in Uganda compared to the “aloof American! We praise the personable relationships among Ugandans even toward strangers! What happened to that? We complain about America, the country of rules rather than friendships, trust and care for one another. I am beginning to wonder whether, we aren't just nostalgic about home back in America! Or, is Uganda's hospitality so old' skool? Or it is reserved for strangers and tourists only, explaining why Lonely Planet noticed us?Walk around the city and you realize how painful it is partaking in public space. I generally love city life because of the abundance of experiences, attitudes and resources at places like public galas, concerts and markets. For one, I do my weekly food shopping in Owino Market because: 1) I love markets (I also shop in farmers markets in Boston and New York); 2) I am assured of fresh foods compared to supermarkets; 3) I get value-for-money; and 4) I love the crowds - you always get more than you pay for from social interaction or observation of the vibrant market experience. So, I am a market girl. I have since negotiated a parking spot ten minutes walk to Owino market. The trek to the market is eventful; more so depending on the time of the day one goes out. So, I try to start my market day earlier to avoid too much hustle and bustle while sucking it all in. Unfortunately, one cannot stray too far away from all the boda boda, the foot traffic and matatus clamoring for public space along Kafumbe Mukasa Road to Owino market. I tend to think that if I kept away from the road, and walk closer to the pavement, the matatus and boda bodas will respect the pedestrian walk. Alas! I am so wrong, because they will fetch you from the pedestrian walk and try to run you over. As pedestrians in Kampala, we also have to fight for our foot paths with boda bodas and matatus that feel a higher entitlement to drive anywhere, park anywhere and turn any place into a taxi park. Just last Saturday, I learned that the "very smart" UTODA created a taxi park on the small Kafumbe Mukasa Road behind Nakivubo stadium by Owino Market! Apparently, matatus loading passengers have to park on shoulders. Once one fills up, the next in line takes its place. In reality, the common scene is one of matatus parking in the middle of the road, often blocking any other traffic access. The likes of us traveling by boda bodas, bicycles and foot after our food purchases from the market get stuck behind the unruly matatus traffic, often waiting for over thirty minutes before the line of parked matatus clears! Fortunately in this recent incident, the taxi stage managers showed some sense, perhaps for selfish interests on realizing that they would not carry away their passengers without clearing their self-inflicted traffic mess. That is how we finally made our way out of the pain and agony of trying to partake of public space in downtown Kampala.But not before enduring the stench of trash lying leisurely everywhere on the streets, muddy streets, and open sewage alongside multiple roadside businesses. When I asked my boda boda guy when the City Mayor will complete the road repairs, his response was, "Linda Colonel ajje" (wait for the colonel to come (into power). I feigned ignorance by asking who the colonel was, to which he responded, "Gwe tomanyi Colonel? Colonel Kiiza Besigye yekka yasoboola okukola ekubo" (You do not know the Colonel? "Only Colonel Kiiza Besigye can fix the road"). He added that, democracy is responsible for this mess. Everyone feels self-governed with nobody to control them. UTODA can create a park anywhere because the police get kick-backs from them, and so do city authorities. Nobody seems to feel a responsibility toward their community anymore, since the government let everybody loose. We no longer have to pick up the trash because the city authority took over that role from public users. Gone are the days of "bulungi bwansi" when communities took care of cleaning and maintaining their neighborhoods. Just the other day, Dr. Ian Clarke Busulwa, Mayor of Makindye Division had to battle the police for impounding his business truck, which he had deployed to clean the garbage in Makindye Division after residents complained that the responsible authority –KCCA had failed them. Dr. Busulwa got a shock when police ignored his “communitarian endeavor” and issued charges of transporting people on an open truck. Never mind that the police are always riding on open trucks! But what is more important; cleaning up the trash or the nature of the truck? Weird!If you are beginning to think the police "arrest happy", without a concern for communitarian efforts, try your neighbors. Remember the days growing up with lovely neighbors, whom we knew and played with and in fact looked out for their children and property as our own? Not anymore! I grew up in a residential child-friendly neighborhood with large families. Sadly, as neighbors have passed on, or migrated elsewhere in and outside the country, so has our child-friendly neighborhood, coupled with its playing fields and neighborhood-watch. It is now a Katogo; business-cum-residential-cum-school neighborhood with bars, car sale business, car repair workshops, a primary school, a lodge and a welding workshops "all-in-one unhappy family". And a constant torment to old families like my family that still lives in the neighborhood and has to put up with all the inhuman interaction. At the car sales business next door, men bring their goats to work but without grass to feed them. They feed on our food and grass with no apologies from their owners. Efforts to get justice served through the LC leaders have fallen through the cracks, and I have learned from experience, “the LC is bought off by those men”! Nor do we have avenue to complain about the car repair workshop which parks its vehicles on the streets, blocking off one side and often making it difficult to access our drive-way! When I directly complained to the mechanics, they shouted me down: “This is how we do things here. This is not America. When you go back to America, you can get the order you want.” Can we just get along and love each other, hug each other, care for one another and respect one another? Can we remember that none of us holds a monopoly on the “right of way” while driving, but recognize that it is a tradable good that we take turns to enjoy? Do not rush to knock me over because I was decent enough to let the driver in front of you, who got into the junction before us. Can we remember to cherish the public space for all of us and not always seek to push out others, either by our direct actions of confrontation or indirectly through careless littering, business structures and anti-neighborhood watch? We are all entitled to public space in this country, just as much as we are responsible for its maintenance. Remember, it is our country, our society and our heritage, let us remember uphold it, for one another!

Makes me Wanna Holler!

2011-10-01T00:07:00.000+03:00

There are those moments in life, and I seem to be getting an overdose these days…which make me wanna holler! Seriously, there is this much talk about, “Black women have less chances of being married, finding a partner”… I have many friends who go crazy over this..crap crap crap! OR maybe it is not that crap? Is there truth to it? For my friends who are over 35 years and still single…AND Vs! it hits them hard. On my part, I cannot claim 100 per cent that I am aloof to it, but I am not so worried about it…What is marriage after all, if you have a bunch of women who think a man is designed for one woman. You can tell that I do not agree with that, whatsoever! The world’s population has more women than men for a purpose.In any case, men are either: 1) serial monogamist, adulterers, cheaters with both humans, objects and other mammals. So, who cares. When it comes to men in my life, I am like the American Military (until very recently): “Don’t ask, Don’t Tell”. If I am not with you, I don’t wanna know what you are doing? I do not expect you to sit down and wait for me, but I really don’t wanna know what you did “that summer”, while I was away! But you bet, I am gonna have you take an STD test before you get with me. You feel me.In fact for most of my life, I did not date. My dating life began in American, I guess the loneliness of being far away brought me closer to the male specie. My entire youth, I boosted of being “anti-men”..and carried on with my tom-boy image. I enjoyed that; men were awful. Well, don’t blame me for being a man hater, I did not have a male role model growing up. Hell, is where I grew up…and longed for an opportunity to never see hell again..Male hell..but somehow this world does not always warn us. As my ex always said, “Life gives us what we ask for, but with a few twists and turns.” (btw, he’s now happily married –as of August this year, 2011; and he was the love of my life).I am now a mother, not unknowingly but because I was ready. I allowed myself to become one, with a man I thought I was very safe to share the joy of being a mother, and the role of parenting. He always treated me nice and showed a lot of care and concern for me. I like the way…..everything I liked…But things change, and that’s the part so hard to predict. That I will be raising our child, literally by myself, not in the same house with him, under his care. I thought that’s how things were meant to be!? I am not saying that he abandoned the child. NO! In fact he’s very interested in being involved..but perhaps in a totally different style from what I had envisioned. I thought we would be together for keep, and be parents together? No! he wants to be involved in his son’s life but not necessarily with me. He’s available elsewhere. We have grown so apart over the last three years. Every time I think I gat it under control, I find out something is amess. Then we are on break from each other. No! it does not work. But we are plugged into each other, no matter what! We have a child that is gonna stay with us, and will bind us forever.But it’s tough being the full-time parent and you gatta do it all! It’s a touch job to run alone. Yet the alternative is also scary; sending Biko off to America to his father. Then I will not see him! For how long! For-ever! But I need a break. When I would not have to wake up in the late of night, all the time, to get him to pee. Or take him to the doctor when he’s sick. Or pay all the attention when he’s throwing tantrums, like it so often happens. Or when I have assignments due and just need all the time to myself to focus. And it seems to happen that, when I am damn busy...he gets sick. A week ago, a guinea fowl scratched his face as he chased to pay with it. This Friday, he fell and bit deep into his tongue...oh! you should see him..it's not going well for us! Yet I have work SO overdue to send:!I am absolutely exhausted! But my momma says, I cannot holler..I cannot take it back no more!

Kennesaw, GA

2011-07-14T11:32:00.000+03:00

For the Love of Fundraising...

2011-07-14T11:18:00.004+03:00

I am currently running a fundraiser on behalf of my little boy, entitled: "Beekster's 3rd Birthday Fundraiser for Uganda", for school children, teen mothers and young women. So, I thought it fitting to reflect on my love for fundraising, how it developed and has evolved overtime.

As far as I can recall, I have been fundraisinig since my early adult life. In fact even before I graduated from adulthood, I was fundraising. Whether from my parents to go on a school tour of western Uganda while I was in High School or trip to Nairobi, Mombasa and Dar es Salaam while at college. Most of these were fundraising to boost my personal growth and awareness of my surroundings, and of course for social enjoyment

While at college at Makerere University, I took on another form of fundraising for the public good. In my first year of undergraduate education, I did not do much fundraising, except volunteering as VIP Delegates Hostess at the 4th PanAfrican Congress of the Red Cross and RedCrescent Societies. This was a big deal for me, because it exposed me, for the first time to work in an international setting, with international people from all walks of life.

My first try at fundraising was in my second undergrad year, for female prison in-mates at Luzira Prison. As interns of the Human Rights and Peace Centre (HURIPEC) Summer Internship Training Program, we visited Luzira Women's Prison as part of our orientation week. This was my first time entering the inside of a prison. While there, we noticed that some women were incarcerated with their nursing children. Not because they too were suspects/charged in crime, but because mothers did not have anybody outside prison to look after their kids. The sleeping conditions were also appaling, and they narrated poor feeding. As college students, we did not have a lot of money, but we still we decided to pass a hat around and drop in what each of us could afford.

This experience further stimulated my commitment to the spirit of giving and volunteerism. Out of my HURIPEC internship, I started the Prisons Project, to interest fellow interns in visiting prisons, interview inmates, help trace their families, forward their cases in need of bail to legal aid organization, or redress for human rights violations to the Human Rights Commission, and basically just give a listening ear. I mobilized volunteers who would go with me to prisons and take up cases. I must say, the work was more than we could handle, particularly since we did not have financial resources but we did the best for four years. I successfully raised in-kind donations including a ride to visit prisons from our host institution, HURIPEC, and office space to type up our cases and forward to the respective governmental/nongovernmental bodies. I was invited to several meetings and prison reform committees to speak about the situation in Uganda's prisons, which I enjoyed very much! I also learned to integrate refugees in detention into our prison investigations. I think the most memorable milestone was acquiring a letter from the Commissioner of Uganda Prisons to allow us indefinite access to all prisons without prior notification! AWESOME! at one point, we went to Luzira and noticed the release of more than 100 inmates who had been in unlawful detention for more than five years, with no charges. I spoke to them and learned that several (if not all) were offered release on condition that they would join Uganda army. This resulted in an article I wrote in The Monitor, one of Uganda's dailies.

From fundraising for a public good and public justice, I went on to fundraise for a paid internship with Lawyers for Human Rights Refugee Rights Project in Pretoria, South Africa. I spent six months there learning about forced migration in Southern Africa, refugee protection actively using an international legal framework working with the UN Refugee Agency, and through established domestic refugee tribunals. I appeared several times before Refugee and Immigration Tribunals, in court on behalf of accused refugees and visited refugees incarcerated in jail. I had energy and the determination to make a difference in people's lives. While in South Africa, two memorable things happened. 1) I secured a scholarship for a Rwandese refugee lawyer to travel to a Women's Conference/Seminar in Montreal, Canada, and advised her to apply for asylum once she was done with the meeting (this is a trick I learned from my mentor and former employer, Barbara Harrell-Bond, who would sneak refugee high security cases out of Uganda). She stayed, applied for asylum, and I would imagine by now, her family has joined her (I visited her when I was in Canada in 2004 but her family had not arrived by then. We have since not been in regular contact). 2) I helped a Congolese refugee woman in South Africa, who had a child with a Belgian Soldier while he was stationed in eastern Congo, but who had since denied his relationship with the woman. I called the Belgian Ambassador in South Africa and arranged a meeting to speak with him. While initially they had resisted to help the woman, I made my "diplomatic threatens to go public", and voila! the Ambassador managed to put the phone through to the Belgian soldier, then stationed in Mozambique. Initially, he denied knowing the lady or fathering a child with her, but when I threatened to use our lawyer in Belgium, he came around. Sadly, I did not stay to follow the case through.

While in South Africa, I did not lose my Uganda connections. I raised monies from Ford Fondation for a group of young Ugandan scholars that I had assembled to present at the International Studies Association Convention in Chicago, IL (2001). Ford gave us generous monies - I think that was indeed my first bounty paycheck. I cannot remember how much it was, but to me, it was a lot, and I went on a shopping street on that main street of Chicago. Ford gave me my "American homecoming" (I had previously been to America in 1999 for two weeks to visit my sister then studying in Annville, PA. We went to NYC and Washington, DC). Although my colleagues from Uganda were denied visas to the US, I got mine through South Africa. And perhaps because I had been to the United States before, I did not seem like "the staying type". Wrong! I stayed for-ever!!

And I continued fundraising...both for America and for Africa. In America, I ran charity walks, I participated in cook-outs for fundraising, I volunteer at a shelter for victims of domestic abuse, at a refugee women's network and congregated with the mennonites. It was bliss. Oh! and we also had those "fundraiser for Afghanistan type of happy hours (isn't "happy" a contradiction in itself?!?). But we also had our African fundraisers, like the uNight fundraiser in New York, the online petitions...and so on. But there are two that I directly engineered or was involved in.

One was the bake sale fundraiser within the Tufts University Community (my alma mata) in Medford, MA to purchase and donate library books for the Department of Women and Gender Studies Library at Makerere Univversity (my almamater too!). I got all students involved, they baked goodies and donated the proceeds. It was great. We got the book wishlist from Makerere and purchased books off of it...and sent them to the University.

Another was a fundraiser for Ubuntu Institute for Young Social Entrepreneurs based in South Africa, with my friend and former schoolmater (I was his undergrad TA for a class on Africa in International Relations), Cedza Dlamini. Using my big networking and contact list, I connected his to secure the seed grant for Ubuntu from Ford Foundation to allow us dream bigger for the young people of Africa.

I have not stopped. Since coming back to Uganda last year (2010), I have fundraised for Sanyu Babies Home as a celebration of my mom's April 2011 birthday. I tried doing it for my birthday but was too late. Now I am running a fundraiser for two charities: 1)uNight (again): for the Children of Uganda; and 2) Kigwanya ECD: For young women and teen mothers of Uganda. This is the first time I have a target goal, of US$3,500, and I hope I can at least raise half of that, I would be thrilled. I am vigorously running this...and hoping people will want to dig deep into their pockets and not be deterred by the credit crunch!!

I can actually make a career doing this my entire life, because I enjoy raising money. I am grateful for those people and institutions who have trusted me with their monies, thus far...and hoping that I can get more and more people to trust me. I know I am not a beer, or burger or Chinese meal or iPhone, but there is no greater value than building trust in giving beyond your comfort or immediate satisfaction. Yet I still believe that to give is satisfying; knowing that you put that little change to a greater and better use instead of immediate consumption. No matter how small, your change touches loves...great lives and great lives indeed! I can get people to trust me with their money, that their money will reach the appropriate place, that's all that is needed!

We can build an institution of local fundraising in Uganda and local giving, beyond our employees, relatives or friends. Having worked with large private philanthropies engaged in all kinds of giving globally including Uganda, there are plenty of skills I can add to my personal initiatives in fundraising. Moreover, I learned not just the art of grantmaking but also working with grantseekers. Perhaps beyond raising grants, I would love to share my experience with those who seek grants, and also those who seek to give money in transform our society in Uganda and beyond!

LET'S CONTINUE GIVING

The Danger of Love Never Lost

2011-07-02T01:36:00.001+03:00

I think there are plenty of us out there who never get over the love we once had. That one love! That made you fulfilled. That left a mark on you! Some of us single while others are married. Yet we still long for that love once again. We want to hold that person again. We want to fill the warm of that person. Inside us, beside us or around us. We want to sit, lie, laugh and eat together. We want to do those things that we innocently did before in love OR denied ourselves a chance to do those days we felt too good for the other.

My story is interesting, that even after thinking I had gotten over my first love, I still love him. Even though I have somehow settled to the fact that he never thought of me as my ultimate prize; even though I convince myself that perhaps we are not compatible, I still love him. I still want one more dance, one more laugh, one more cuddle, one more talk with him. I really do not want to talk about, “why we did not end up together OR why didn’t we get married? Or why don’t we get back together. No! I just want to talk and laugh like old times. Hit the clubs, the restaurants, the night times hanging out on the pouch, sharing a cigarette (although I smoke no more). I just want him. But I also want him to want me the same way. I know if might not be the same.

We actually had re-unions after we’d broken up. The first time was a disaster. It sent me back home crying for months and months on. We stopped talking. Until one time, my drank self called him over the phone, and told him I was living in his backyard. Literally, I was living a corner around from him. Not because I was stalking him, but I was house-sitting for one of my professor, and he happened to be renting around my professor. I remember he came over, we talked and shared a beer. I sat on him but with no intention to get physical, I just wanted the intimacy. But I think we made out; my mind was not there.

The next re-union was way much later, after we’d had a fight over something he mis-heard me say. Something to do with, “I am preggos”. But I was not even dating him or sexually involved, so why would he think it was his responsibility. And then I had to go get my leftover furniture from him, and THAT WAS GOOD! Like old days. Real good! The next time, he stopped by my place on the way to his family home and it was bliss…and then against while I was down in his state –that was good to. But also the last time…and it has been a longtime ago. In fact I cut it off, when I refused to take or return his calls, because I wanted more than he wanted from me. I was his convenience, not his number one.

More than three years later, thinking I was over him, we reconnected cyberly. We began talking again, which did not go well. Because it re-stirred those emotions you think are long gone. They are not..Somehow, I am not easy maturing not out of love. He was my first and only true love. This time he had to completely cut me off. I have settled for this. I am also hoping he will finally settle with somebody. A little bird tells me that is happening. Perhaps to close the chapter with me. Not that I expect him to come back to me but just to give me a final stamp of, “you are not the one for me”. We are not talking anymore. But he will always be my mine. I was “married out of wedlock to him…and he taught me the dangers of big dreams”. Perhaps that explains a lot why I have not settled with anybody, because I remember that I cried the first time I had to give myself over to sleep with somebody else after him; to me it meant that it was the end of him and I

But I feel for those who ended up married but still think about those relationships they left behind. They are nostalgic, and now the internet, social networking have made it so hard for people to let go.....!

the Latest on Biko and I

2009-12-08T08:01:00.003+03:00

So, it's been a while since I updated you on Biko and I. It is December and beginning to feel like Xmas...Whoa! time flies...another yr is slowing coming through. We look forward to you 2010. The horoscopes (unsolicited moreover) have predicted some good news for us...so, we are looking over in No(R)th Way! and that was August 10 2009. Oh! goodness!! four months ago! I'll try to do better this time.

We went through getting to know Norway, into Sweden, finding daycare for Biko, getting a new home on a lavish Island, fraternizing with scholarly colleagues, meeting plenty of Ugandans and oh! dancing all that away. We met some lovely Norwegian/american landlord/lady people and the kids loves Biko. Well, everybody seems to love Biko.

Biko got into daycare..and enjoyed that! he also took his first steps in Norway and now he's fully walking, he also started talking more, and dancing and went through constipation, enemas with excellent health care...including home care, and a gorgeous baby high chair where he fed himself. and now his back here in America with his constipation.

Biko: he's walking since he turned 14 months (in September 2009), he's talking more and now knows daddy, mummy, hi, bye bye, car, clap, dog, bucket, ball, bib, his two molars are coming out (I noticed that two weeks ago). He's grown bigger and taller. My Biko now defends himself--he no longer lets kids bully him. Even though they still try to. He has two friends and constant companions--Jay and Abram--whom he plays with and chases around...since they are more experienced with running around than him. and he has Bishop whom he "high 5s" with. He also goes to the children's library for baby time and spends sometimes with his great grandma and papa.

Did I say Biko is so obsessed with the phone. When it rings, he starts, "Hi", "hi"...all he wants is to hold it and take it around..not even saying a word. I promise everyday that I am gonna buy him a phone...but I keep forgetting. hope that I remember.

On my side,,,I enjoyed Oslo, so v. much...it's the most expensive city in the world!! but it's beautiful...that country is absolutely gorgeous..the blend bet traditional and modernity is so attractive...and the full display of the workings of socialism are also exciting. My son got into subsidized day care...and all I paid was about US$120/m (less than what I pay in the US/week), he went into hospital and got taken care of at govt's expense...we paid nothing! the subway is so much cheaper..because it is subsidized...the public transport network is excellent...plenty to choose from...buses, commuter rail, tram, metro and ferry...and they are all on time..you'll miss it if you think it's America where the bus comes 15 mins past schedule.

At some point, I had to stop converting and start just buying, otherwise, we weren't gonna have anything. my lovely H&M in Oslo (and Stockholm) has baby section..so Biko came away with baby stuff! I met a Mswana whom we hang out with for a longtime...well, he was a great DJ and played great music....we chatted plenty via text...and calls...I don't miss that too much. oh! I bought a blackberry in the market for nothing (the eqv of US$30!) can you imagine!! Oh!I really enjoyed Oslo...and I would go back...I told myself I'd never go back...but I am sure we would go back.....if only to get those lavish salaries they give to PhD students

HERE WE ARE, IN NOR(TH)-WAY!

2009-08-10T18:26:00.008+03:00

Whoever said, "Never say never", definitely had me in mind. About three years ago, I told a friend of mine, who was trying to hook me up for a job in Geneva that, "From America, I am going to Africa. I will never move to Europe. I don't want to deal with the gloomy weather, and another culture that would make me feel alien, again." Plus, after the American experience, you really don't fit into other places with closed cultures. The kind of free-for-all, fast-food lifestyle cannot be duplicated elsewhere...plus it gets to you like your birth right.

Three years later, here I am in NORWAY or as originally called, NORTHWAY. and this is Europe as it comes. The weather can be really gloomy throughout the day, raining on and off, the roads are narrow, people are not all that bubbly, and the cost of living is so dear, my dear! I understand that Norwegians or Normen, as referred to here do not strike up conversations with strangers but can be friendly once one approaches them. I am sure it's true! Perhaps the gloomy weather makes them reserved. But what explains the "arrogant Bostonian" who lives in warmer weather compared to funky and fun Montreals (the people) Canada)? Sorry, Boston. I don't hate you..but you know yourselves...I was your guest for a whole three years but somehow was never inducted into "the Bostonian".

Anyway, Biko and I made it safely to Oslo, Norway this past Monday, August 3rd 2009..and we are lovin't! Perhaps it's Biko who made me change my mind and my prior vow not to move to Europe...esp. since he's changed the course of most of my life..Since that joyous day on July 22 2008. My first words were, "it's beautiful!" I see the lavish green of Uganda with paved roads, yellow, red and green houses, calm atmosphere and definitely not too much traffic. The roads are not the huge ATL 5, 6 or 7 lanes yet huge and small cars both fit. Sometimes I am surprised how buses maneuver on the seemingly narrow roads (according to my GA eyes). On our way from the airport, the roads had about 5 cars traveling each way, and my friend who picked us up from the airport said, that was heavy traffic!

We have already been in and about town. On our second day here, we went to visit the University of Oslo (UiO), the National Theatre, the Royal Palace, City Hall, Nobel Peace Institute, the Central Train Station, Parliament, City Hall and the Grand Hotel and of course, the American Embassy. No surprise, it's humongous! even though Norway's safety is far much better that the US of A. I wonder why the love huge embassies! Well, just because Biko is an American does not mean we can just take random pics for souvenirs, they'll rip open our camera...which we definitely still need to capture more beautiful memories. Just so you know, the US embassy is the only diplomatic mission located right next to the Royal Palace. But that's the American way--In Your Face!

Norway has both traditional and modern, and that is so appealing. You don't have to go to the countryside to see cows, they are right in the city, right next to the marinas, the ship port and the exotic Aker Brygge. Oslo is full of trees, public parks, museums, Open air museums, beautiful architecture and shopping and summer outdoor restaurants. You should definitely visit the Royal Castle and take pics with the royal guard, like Biko and I did, don't miss the Vigeland Sculpture Park where you'll see hundreds of sculptures donated by Gustav Vigeland to the city of Oslo, in exchange for 80 acres for his work. It also has a beautiful picnic and long walk, you'll enjoy. Don't forget the Oslo Opera, which has magnificent architecture, and you can walk on the roof. Nearby is the Nobel Peace Institute, the city hall and the Stotinget (National Parliament). Next to it is the famous Grand Hotel, where Nobel Laureates and celebrities reside when they are in town. You could take the City sightseeing buses to get a better sense of the city. I always do this when I move into town, and we did it, courtesy of our friends--take the Hop On-Hop Off bus, so that you can stop at places you want to go...and get on to the next destination. Try to wake up early enough so you get to see plenty of places. Don't forget to eat Salmon, it def. tastes much more different than the US salmon.

Oh! did I tell you that I picked a bike on my way home last Wednesday? Yes! I will ride this bike! I started practicing today and there's no turning back. I have also started jogging. This place is so beautiful for this!! Yesterday, I followed my host/landlord's son to a bike/jogging trail with a magnificent view of the whole town. Then there is H&M here with baby and older people's sections! I am excited!! now my baby is gonna join my H&M addiction.

But not all is rosy in Norway. It is an expensive country, especially when you are used to cheap life of the US. Well Europe is expensive..but c'mon, a stroller for 4-6K Kroner, which is about $800-$1000! I know they are great strollers, and good, esp for walking lifestyle especially on hard surface..but then! To get a learner's permit and driver's license, you'll need to part with bet 30K-40k Kroner (US$5k-$66k). No wonder, most people use public transport. Which does not come at a cheap price though; you'll need about US$4 (25kroner) each way! And I thought NYC is expensive! Other than that, the buses and trains are great class. I didn't see any ripped up seats or garbage on the trains/buses. For the most part, they are on time. Basically, life is expensive in every way. Even salmon is expensive, yet it's from Norway! Surprisingly, cherries are way much cheaper than in the US, but then again, they are from Norway

The Things I have learned Being a Mother

2009-07-20T00:44:00.012+03:00

A year ago, on Monday July 21, 2008, my mid-wife told me, "Go home, take a shower, eat and bring your suitcase to the Women's Center. We are going to admit you for induction." The baby was stressed, yet my cervix was not open enough as desired for delivery.

I was mad, really mad. I tried to talk my midwife into it but she said to me, "I am just giving you advice. You can make up your decision. But that's our advice." So, I went back home, intent on talking the admission staff and nurses out of admitting me. The nurses were certainly eager to let me speak to my mid-wife, but another one told me, "I think you should take your midwife's advice. She is only acting in your best interests." So, I checked into Kennestone Hospital Women's Center and proceeded to begin the process.

Ah! Now, nearly a year later, I have a handsome baby boy, Biko Kafrika Henderson, born Tuesday July 22 2009 at 8:48p, Kennestone Hospital in Marietta, GA. I was surrounded by love..and this love, we have keeps growing stronger. I love my baby, and he loves me back...Yes, he shows that to me.

There are a coupla things I have learned since becoming a mother.

1. When you are pregnant, you eat for two, when you are nursing, you eat for two but when the baby starts eating, all the delicacies are for the baby. Instead of eating a whole egg, you eat the albumen. Corn, squash, carrots, green beans, peas, apple juice are all for the baby.

2. Motherhood is the most difficult job in the ENTIRE world! It demands 24hrs, 7days, 12 months, 365 days a year. You can never quit this job, never.

3. You will get a lot of attention when you are pregnant and after when walking around with your baby. But sorry, everybody is looking at the baby, not you. Even that mean lady at the Jamaican restaurant in "the hood" says, "Oh! he's adorable!"

4. The only section in a clothing store is "Baby Section".

5. I am not my hair (anymore). Definitely not my clothes.

6. Just because you are a mother does not mean your friends (without children) have also changed schedule. They can still call you at 7p when you are feeding the baby, at 8p when you are putting the baby to sleep, at 10p when you just sat down to get some work done. and at midnight when it's your time to rest since the baby is sleeping.

7. All phone calls are only nagging, unless it is you calling the "Children Healthcare 24-hr nurse line, all night long.

8.Even a poop is cause for celebration, especially when you have baby with terrible constipation.

9. All children and toddlers are noisy and behave badly, except yours.

10. All your conversations with friends are about, "my baby, my baby, my baby".

11. It is not about you anymore. You don't matter that much to even yourself. The baby comes first.

12. "What to expect......When you are pregnant....the first years", is a mother's version of the Koran or Bible.

13. There is joy in pain. Labor pain does not stop in the delivery room, it follows you home everyday after delivery!

14. If you are not a crier, you become a crier. You cry when your baby is constipated, you cry at the thought going back to work, you cry at the thought of your baby's first day at: day care, pre-K, elementary school, and going off to college. You even cry at the thought of your baby growing older--although we all want our babies to grow.

15. You stop taking life for granted, and become more thankful. Especially when other babies don't make it or are born with disabilities or don't hit their milestones in time.

IT's A PRIVILEGE TO BE A 2008 MOTHER OF AN AFRICAN AMERICAN

2009-01-21T03:58:00.003+03:00

I think this is a very heavy responsibility, on us, on our children, to enter an era like this. The entire globe is so so overwhelmed...beyond overwhelmed! Oh! never in my few years on earth did I imagine this will be unfolding right before me...not until Obama came to the fore and revealed himself big, esp in 2007. But for me, it's bigger than Obama.

This is big because, I am seated here, with my almost 6-month old black son, who happens to be an American. In a country where black men are more likely to be found in prison than in college (this aint no cliche). Where college enrolment for black men stands below black women. Where black men have been disenfranchised and reduced to single or absent fathers because of reasons more than their own making. Where black men are not so much celebrated but thought of as engaged in drugs, crime and low intelligence. This is big for me.

That my son's era is going to be rewritten. That my son will not just be talking about slavery, civil rights struggles, low education but having been born in the year of the first black president in the United States, a country known for racism and ill treatment of its black people. Yes, Obama is bigger than just being a black man; he's smart, a people person, a community organizer, a public figure, a professor, a leader, a father and a husband. But Obama is also our black president. Obama is Biko (my son)'s black president, who's celebrated the world over. The entire world yearns for Obama.

How can one man, born of humble beginnings, grew up on welfare, traversed the Oceans to Indonesia, Hawaii, whose father came from a lil' unheard of town (until Obama's rise to prominence) in Kenya! How can this man inspire the entire world? Not just the United States but the entire world: Kogelo, London, Dharka, Kampala, Berlin, Tokyo, Obama (Japan), you name it. We have a global leader....finally the United States can say! YES WE CAN!!

I didn't realize it would be so emotional. Granted, I have my misgivings about Obama, particularly his blatant disregard of the suffering of the Palestinian people. But I am so overwhelmed and overjoyed. It is such a big day for all of us..for all black people, for all Africans..for all minoritized people..Who have been trod on, deemed incapable of producing world wonder. Who's inventions and creations have always been demeaned. Oh! Obama...YES WE DID.

Thank you for making my baby, my family, my engagement with African Americans such a privilege and something to reckon with. Thank you for giving Biko a new chapter in his American history book. You so overwhelmed me..and overwhelm us. This is too much!! We have come of age...indeed of aged now..and our beauty as a black people has finally shone through the entire world...that sees you as a man of inspiration, strength and optimism..not just a black man...Yet, we are grateful that you are a black man..Proud to be black and in America

NeW BEGINNINGS NEW ERA

2009-01-16T10:08:00.004+03:00

As I write, it is is 409:51 1:10.4 microseconds left and there will no longer be Bush..but a Bush Legacy. Maama Sarah is about settled into one of the lavish lawns in Wash/DC either at 1600 P.A or somewhere we don't know. All we know, she's all smiles, and perhaps not yet awake from a true dream. I wonder if she's brought with her those mats from my mother to replace the "Mzungu" carpets/rugs in the White--to Black House. Oh! life we hope will never be the same. For some reason, I feel at a loss. At least Bush we knew didn't care about black people or Muslims or Arabs or well, he didn't care about anyone except his inner circle. Bush even declared the US economy not that bad, in January 2009. C'mon! this is Jan 2009: Madoff has already ripped off plenty, Lehman Brothers is gone, Wachovia is swallowed up by Well Fargo, Morgan Stanley and Citi has merged. Citi has laid off plenty..and many funders are cutting their nonprofit donations. Even the Partnership for Higher Education in Africa is closing one year earlier. Every time I step into a govt office for public services, there are plenty applying; for food stamps, medicaid, jobs, unemployment insurance et al..Where is Bush in all of this. Well, he just bought a new house in TX, so clearly, he's not squeezed up. and I am sure none of the people he interacts with. As one Catholic buddy told me, "I would rather lose my retirement and investment savings than see the abortion bill signed into law" or the election of Obama. Well, count your luck stars, coz you aint too many.

But this is not about Bush or Dubya as we love to say. This is about Biko and I..and that Biko is entering an era when his history will be written with a Black President of the United States. Just like the kids who grew up past the civil rights struggle, so will the Biko have a new era in their life as Black children in America. and Yes, Buster Rhymes is right to come in here "I Know I can......Be what I wanna Be.." My baby will be anything and everything. All we need is health, wellness, love and support.

Biko and I started a new era recently, where maama leaves the house everyday except Friday and goes out to look for work. It's been five beautiful months of staying at home with my son. I've enjoyed it so very much. I've enjoyed watching my son grown. I have enjoyed being there when he wakes up, when he takes a nap, when he cries, when he poops, when he goes to sleep, when he plays, and smiles. Oh! I love those smiles in the morning, in the night, in the evening. And the squeaks. I am so blessed to have this. My son being with his mother for five months.

But this has all changed. It's a new year and new era. Biko is now going to day care, everyday. It's been hard the first days, with lots of tears and sobbing. I just couldn't stand being away from my baby. Leaving him with a stranger. The first day he did not cry but thereafter, he started crying. I sobbed the first day. The second day I thought he was ok so I thought I would not sob, but then I broke down when he broke down and then I was told he cried the whole day. oh! my baby. then he cried other consecutive days when I handed him over. However, this week, he is not crying anymore, and that makes me sad too. My baby is already independent. He is learning so very fast! I am told, I should be proud of myself that I am a good mother. I did the right thing, and I have raised him well. For some reason though, he cries whenever his father has him. For me, I am worried he is too independent. How can he not cry? doesn't he love me anymore?I just fear he will forget about me.

You know, I am not American --Granted my baby is America-but me who is raising him aint. Americans loving independence so very much and they try to inculcate it even in baby-babies. He gets excellent reviews from the baby sitter, that he plays a lot, laughs and they love him. he is a good boy. Biko means god in Hindu (with a "U"--Bikou), in Igbo, and in one language in the Congo. can you imagine! I did not know that but I am glad for all the blessings that brings.

Life will never be the same, but we hope it does change in our favor again. We hope i can still achieve that long sought goal of being a stay-at-home mother. I would very much love to work from home or work at my scheduled hours. I am working on it. For now, we'll go with the flow and make lemonade out of lemons. My wish is to continue keeping a positive outlook and a smiling face. So, I am working on that. I don't want my face to be creased up.

Anyway, as I finish off, it's Friday morning and my baby and I both stayed at home. We had more hours of sleep; he's actually still sleeping but I had to wake up and begin my job search or should I say, job making. Everyday brings new tidings and I want more health for me and for Biko

It's nasty!! why does America Despise Breastfeeding?

2009-01-12T17:32:00.004+03:00

Ok, I am offended...This kid told me, "It's nasty"....She is four years old and she believes breastfeeding is nasty...can you imagine! I am very offended...

Lately, I have had to carry my breast pump whenever I am going to spend a day away from home and from my baby. I have been pumping in classrooms or other empty rooms in offices. The other day, a group of ladies told me that they had to quit breastfeeding because they had to get their bodies back. Another one told me she stopped because her baby would not latch on, "too much trouble." Even before I had a baby, two women from Uganda (now in the US) told me breastfeeding was not for them. Then there's the other excuse of the baby was not getting enough out of breast milk and preferred formula. Usually, I answer all these questions with, well you have to keep doing it until s/he learns, or pump so that you can increase the breast supply or it's about sacrificing for the baby or my time will come when I'll get back in shape. The another woman, of great age cringed because I was pumping from an empty room and told me not to use it again. I should go to the toilet because, "this is an act that requires privacy. I mean c'mon! Do you prepare your meals from the toilet? OR do eat your cheese burgers from the toilet?

But this latest encounter with a 4 year old, has just made me much more mad. This morning before we left the house, I decided to feed my baby a little bit before my roommate started the car (we catch a ride with her). I know Americans hate breastfeeding in public but since I was in the comfort of my home and there were kids strangers, I decided to just pull out my breast and give my baby..My roommates kids were standing by: a 7 year old boy, 4 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. Then the 2-year old, and a girl said, "oh! It's nasty!". I asked, her what was nasty and she said, "that, what you are doing." Then they all walked away. I was very offended and sad. How could kids say breastfeeding is nasty? Didn't their mother breastfeed them? What are they offended by? I still can't stand this (it happened at 6:15am and now it's 9:44a and I am still bothered).

I am much more bothered because these are kids, and wondering why kids should be disgusted by breastfeeding. I am bothered because these are black kids and all those people I have told you about who told me breastfeeding is bad are black. I wonder if they did not take prenatal and parenting classes! I am assuming they would know the value of breastfeeding. I am also assuming that they would know that black people are now the lowest group of mothers who breastfeed their new born babies. During the breastfeeding class my partner and I took, we were told that black women have been the slowest to return to breastfeeding. Apparently, there was a time in America when breastfeeding was de-campaign, as formula was "the thing to do and give your babies". Black people were the last to give up breastfeeding and are now the last to return to it when other races have already resumed. Moreover, black people indulge in all sorts of excuses, my figure, my weight, my breasts, it's my body, not for me, hard for me. et al. How is this possible?

Knowing me, I proceeded by giving these kids some of my lectures. Breast milk is good for you, it is not nasty. Breastfeeding makes kids smarter. How can they? have they never seen a baby breastfeeding? Well, I will continue this conversation tonight and give their mother some lecture. I can't stand this. Why does America hate breastfeeding so much! Yet breasts are used to advertise everything, and make money for everything. Oh! this stupid world of sexualizing a natural act or a baby's eating really eats me up. Americans have this "holier than thou crap" yet publicly flaunt sex, the way they dress, the language used and the things they do. For instance, dozens of magazines are dedicated to profiling the sexiest man or woman alive. Even the deadliest Hollywood movie has a sex scene. Viagra is sold all over to indulge the senile and invalids. Then how is it possible that babies cannot feed in public when women can literally wear underwear in public (because it's summer time).

In America, a human body is something to be feared and abused, especially when it comes to women. We watch movies where women strip naked or show us their breasts. Yet men's testicles are hidden, even in "girls gone wild TV commercials." In Europe people can lie on the beach naked without sexualizing it. And men don't need boxers to enter the water Oh! in America, you def have to wear boxers and wearing Brazilian bikinis will def turn heads.

One thing for sure, Americans have to do better by burring their misguided and pretentious morality. Oh! did I tell you in GA you cannot buy beer on Sunday! Even night life downtown Atlanta has nearly collapsed. Apparently the white Christians rule GA and the Black baptists run Atlanta. So, that combo is why Palestine is in shambles and Israel riding it's dragons non-impeded. Surely, we need to help our children learn. And I would not like to see another black person allowing their children to be more miseducated and profile babies because of their mode of feeding.

New Year, New Beginnings, Ensh'allah!

2009-01-01T06:43:00.011+03:00

It is twenty-two hours 48 minutes and it's that time around when people welcome the new year and also make new resolutions. Well, I don't feel like there are any resolutions to make. I plan on making wishes. not just one, but WISHES. This year has been the bitter sweat one. I had my first baby..my baby boy, Biko. The love of my life. He is now five months old and growing faster than I imagined. He laughs, plays, talks, reads. And now, he's picking up this habit my mother thought I would give up after I have a baby --the love for the computer (my mother said I am always on the computer, "it's like your baby")..Yes, Maama, Biko is now a computer wiz and he too pushes the keys to view a web photo album. Plus he loves the phone, because he sees me on the phone very often. Considering that I am a stay-at-home maama and always calling my mother in Uganda to update her on Biko, he has picked up that love (I am not a phone person tho'). Good for him, he has two phones - one from his paternal grandma and another from Santa.

Secondly, this ending year was good to me because I spent the first part of the year at home, with my dearest mother, my sisters, nieces, nephews and longtime friends. It was lovely..I was in Uganda and I was a happy girl. I had renewed energy. Even though Uganda was experiencing a fuel crisis following post-election violence in Kenya, people were happy. I was not indoors. My friends from college slaughter a whole goat, so I went to partake and just make merry..Two other friends (one who has a law firm and another into biz/investment banking) took my friend (from NYC) and I all around town one night to have fun...Well, I didn't really drink coz I was pregnant but i was ecstatic.

However, this year has also been really challenging and bitter in many ways, especially on the personal level. Relationships have been so bitter and painful, particularly with close relatives. Many twists and turns and life didn't really give me what I wanted from it. They say you get out what you put in, but I feel I put in better than I am getting out of life. Well, I think I deserve a little quarrel with the world, now that the year is ending.

This year has also been challenging because I have not had an income for the entire year. I quit my job in NYC at the end of 2007 to return to my home country. Turns out I was expecting and the father was in Amerika..turned out I didn't settle in Uganda (long sorry story), turns out I settled back in Amerika on my own (another long story). So, I have not earned financially and used up my savings. Yet, I survived a pregnancy, gave birth to a healthy 8lbs 9oz baby boy, found healthy food, exercised and still have a beautiful home for me and my boy. It's been the love of friends --who never never give up on me..and these are people I really call friends. It's been the kindness of strangers, who pick you up when the world seems to toss you too deep down, and the government (believe you me), that remembered that I paid my taxes when I worked, and now it's payback time. This experience has also told me a lot, it has rejuvenated my inner strength, my resilience, my love for networking, my meekness and my scavenger personality. I am street smart, babe. I know where to go for what to whom. I've increased my world (and "I am with Child").

So, as I said, I am not making resolutions, I am making wishes.

1) To leave the old..and all old -relationships, places, thoughts, ways, and ideas. I want to move into a new skin and become tougher. I want to shed less and do more. I want to care for only that which matters and that which is right to me. I want more discipline, achievement and excellence.

2) To be thankful and more thankful. Thankful for the food, the friends, the challenges, the opportunities, the gifts, the thoughtful people, the life, my baby boy, my education and my experiences. I want to thank more and less remorse. I want my songs to be all thankful. Granted, I love Celine Deon (Call the Man, My heart will go on) and I love Toni Braxton (love should have brought you home last night, unbreak my heart, there is no me without you) but these are going to be replaced by I surrender, I am Alive, I believe I can Fly and YES I CAN!! because misery loves a home and misery should not find a home in me next year.

3) To believe that life is a journey and the mighty win. I will take my resilience, patience, creativity, social networking, honesty, good heart and all those virtues those who know me love me for. I will concentrate on these and win. I seek to win in every way. I don't want remorse. I have a lovely boy who is always smiling even when my heart and face want to say opposite. And he turns my face ablaze..(Perhaps I should take a break now and cry before the year starts). which brings me to the fourth wish

4) To cry less and less and less. Granted all of us (ok, maybe men don't cry..but I know some who cry)..I love crying because it rejuvenates me. But I will do more to myself and not even in my lil' love's face. My wish is to turn a new face, phase, leaf and glow.

5) To manage life as a single parent. Of course nobody comes into this world with this wish. Esp. if you are like me who's always tried to patiently get into this stage the right way..But hey, don't they say, S**t happens! I want to remember that I have a mother who loves me and loves my son equally. I have friends looking out for me and Biko and we have life and hope. We can do it. See, Obama was raised by a single mother, and look how he turned out. There's hope for all of us. Biko will just get the virtues of how to be a man. There's Boys Club and plenty of outstanding examples out there. Did I already mention Obama? Ok I did.

6) To become gainfully employed again. If I can be self-employed. Oh! that would be fantastic!! You know, I've always wanted to be self-employed, as a researcher or travel writer or mentor or project developer. So, I want that to happen. And I've always wanted to be a stay-at-home mum. So you see, I didn't fully lose out on that unemployment outside the home. It gave me a chance to spend 24/7 with my son as my full-time profession. I've loved every bit of it..But I tell you, there are times I wanted to call "those Baby borrowers" (did you see that on TV)..coz my baby is so easy to sit...I cannot even take these words out of my mouth, that.."sometimes I need a "short" break from Biko."...but I am not even strong enough to do it..

7) this is for Biko...baby I love you too much and I'll breast feed you for as long as you want..but I gatta get back into my "girl shape". the athlete in me is hankering to come back. Tis been almost a year since I engaged in what I call real exercise, i.e., weight lifting, running, aerobics, spin. et al. Granted I ran the marathon in December last year when I was pregnant and I walked the entire pregnancy and exercised -kegels, stretches, mental relaxation, eeeh eeh! but I miss my running..and I need to get me a jogging stroller. Plus I need to find you a father..we need to get out more often and I need to get my shape back so we can "paint the town".

8) To write more and think more and reflect more and speak less and express less, when unnecessary. I will try and avoid any negative forces entering my head and try to avoid negativity around me. I'll keep positive for others and for me.

10) (did you notice I skipped (9)? Well, I'll come back to it if I think of it..But I need to say this. To leave Atlanta, goodness! and return to "The City" or really what I want, to leave the country. Go work outside this country and do real stuff.. To start a new life. I want to save save save..not just the rainforest, the world, the Sudanese, the Congolese, the Northern Ugandans, the PanAfrican movement, the dying African intellectuals but first myself and my finances. I need to save that so much for the future of us, me and my son.

As I finish, it's twenty-seven minutes to the New Year

So, happy New Year 2009!!

LIVING HOME A SOMEBODY AND RETURNING AS A NOBODY

2008-12-18T17:55:00.004+03:00

Usually when migrants return home or to their country of origin, they are received with a lot of airs. They come as the "big man" or "big woman", richer, more visible, respected, sought-after and plenty of resources to spread around. Peace Corp volunteers or western workers in Africa, Asia, Middle East or Eastern Europe are seen as more resourceful than before they left, because they bring with them a larger view of the world. This is true of migrants to any part of the world but mostly Africans who return from the west, i.e., Europe and N. America. In fact many of these African who left their countries of origin as a nobody return with a fell of greatness and expect to be treated as VIPs. You see this a lot during the December holiday when many return "blinging" (flashing around fancy clothes, gold chains, shoes, baseball hats). Their accents have changed, their walk has changed, they dress differently, they are culturally alien to their country of origin and they are flashing around money in various places.

But this was not the situation for me when I returned to leave in Uganda at the end of 2007. No wonder, I made a round-about and returned to the United States. I am one of those called failed returnees. Most of this was because I left Uganda as "a somebody" unlike many other people I know but become a nobody when I returned. I was very insignificant and lost in my own country. Granted I still had friends and some people felt enjoyed fraternizing with me, as their "American" or "New York friend". On my part, I felt a nobody.

You see, before I left Uganda, I was a somebody, and perhaps that explains a lot why I was able to live. I was not one of those people with families abroad. In fact growing up, we didn't have a lot of people in our family (this is the extended family) living or who'd lived abroad. I only know of my paternal uncle who taught in Manchester, UK and Nairobi, Kenya and another one who went to school in Cambridge, UK and (MIT) Cambridge, USA. Then my mother's elder brother worked with the Uganda Sports Council and used to escort the national teams to international games. That's all I knew. Then I had several cousins who were actresses with "Bakayimbira Dramactors" and used to take international trips to perform abroad but would return. The first time a family member ever migrated to live abroad was in 1990 when my elder sister left with her husband to live in Canada. Her husband was going for graduate studies in Montréal, so he took his wife with him. We all went to the airport to see them off. My sister used to send us pictures so that we could get a glimpse on what it looks like living in North America. The snow, the big people, the weird looking food and the wide streets. They were all alien to me. Then my older brother started going abroad to play international football (real football) in South Africa, Cote d'Ivoire, Yemen, Libya, Vietnam, several countries that I cannot keep track of.

My turn came in April 1999 when I received a travel fellowship to attend the prestigious "Salzburg Seminar" in Salzburg, Austria for a week. Now this was not the United States, UK or Canada where most Africans flock to. It was Salzburg Austria, home to Mozart as I would later find out. Let me back track that I had been to Kenya and Tanzania before, first as a baby visiting my uncle's family and then as a university student on an East African tour. So, I had seen places outside my own confines of Uganda and had that 'exotic' experience. But I had never been outside Africa. So, when Salzburg Seminar invited me, I took the offer up with no hesitation. Thanks to my mentor and one of my best friends who gave me the application forms. I enjoyed Salzburg and the new experience. I didn't know about the dramatic change in seasons but I arrived in Salzburg during spring time in only a T-shirt! Oh! too much for this witty girl. One day I went into a night class and met only one black person, who was a Ghanaian immigrant. He told me, "don't go back, stay here." I told him, "are you crazy? Of course I am going back home!!" I had never thought of, never wanted to stay outside my home country. I wanted to simply travel back and forth but not to stay.

In the same year in June, I received another invitation to attend summer school in Refugee Studies and Forced Migration at the Centre for Refugee Studies, York University, Toronto, Canada. Now this was my first N. American experience and yes, I hoped on that plane via England. On my way back, I stopped in London and visited my cousin and friends, then returned to Uganda. A month later in July I was off to The Netherlands and Belgium. All this because of my achievements and work projects in Uganda. I was a human rights activist, started advocacy projects and was working at the national level on lobbying and advocacy coalitions. I was known in the human rights activists circles around Uganda and at the university. You'd see me in the papers commenting on human rights issues or giving prison inmates legal aid to sue the government. I was a young energetic and creative person. Granted I was not earning a lot but I was enjoying my work and meeting plenty of people.

The one day, I just wanted to leave the country and go abroad for further studies. I had applied to South African universities to study Information and Library Science including the University of Cape Town. I got in but did not have the financial resources to fund my education. I was also admitted to universities in the UK for library science, then International Human Rights Law course. But again, it was the money which kept me away. I decided that it would be better if I got a job abroad and paid for my education. Since I wanted to study in South Africa, I targeted jobs in South Africa. In 2000, I received an offer to work with the Lawyers of Human Rights Refugee Rights Project in Pretoria, South Africa. I packed all my bags and left Uganda. I didn't know when I would be back but I planned that I would return. I was not ready to live abroad for ever, no I love my country!!

So, in 2000 I left Uganda and then ended up in the United States thereafter. Eight years later, I am still in this country. Around 2005, I told a friend of mine that I was planning to return to Uganda for good. He's from Croatia (really, former Yugoslavia since he left before the break up), he been living in the United States for more ten years when he came for graduate school and continued on to PhD in Chemistry. He now works for a drug research/manufacturing company in Boston. He told me that, after the 6th year of living abroad, one is almost destined to stay for-ever abroad. Well, I did not want that prophesy to come true to me, plus I had always planned to return home. I felt unsatisfied and in fact felt my career had suffered since I came to the United States. Granted I had a wider understanding of the world, of the United States and of myself. I became black, became an African and in fact became Uganda --as identities I took on with pride and understanding. I sharpened my writing and publishing skills much more and my international contacts. But financially and professionally, I was so retarded --and more so, Socially. I missed home, the familiarity, the warmth and the family. Now that I had the graduate degree I came for, I was happy to put in the rug and leave.

All efforts to get an international career after grad school did not work out, so I ended up in New York City, but with a promise that I shall go back home soon thereafter. In the summer of 2007, my first opportunity to return to Uganda came and I would spend one month in Uganda. Oh! it was a wonderful and refreshing experience. I received a warm reception from all friends and family, although my mother did not want me to stay for-ever. All my friends were doing excellent. People I'd gone to school with. Everyone had a great job, great car, house, children and family. People were in proper professions and others had quit their jobs and settled for self-employment or stay-at-home mothers. Of all people I went to school with, I didn't meet anyone longing to pack their bags and move to the west. In fact they were doing so much better than myself. Here I am, been off to the "richest nation on earth" but with very little to show for it. I didn't have a family, didn't have a car (granted who needs a car in NYC), still unmarried and heavy load of student loans. The only contribution I was making to the human race was to pay tuition for my nieces in Uganda. So, I came back energized to pursue my dream of returning to Uganda.

In November 2007 I quit my job and packed all my bags destined for Uganda. I bought a one-way ticket and shipped all my property. In November 2007, I boarded that plane and off I was, to bliss. Before I arrived I made contacts with potential employers and set up some interviews. But the field was so wide it was so difficult to cast the net so wide. I got back to start the road and started off with Makerere University, which is my hiding place. I worked here so, it was not going to be too hard. However, there was no readily available employment except if I wanted to develop funding proposals. I was now relying on my savings, my contacts and my family. I had several promises of employment but none materialized. I bought the newspaper every monday for jobs and applied but no reply came. I tried walking into many of the international offices in Kampala but the security guards could not let me in unless I had an appointment. I tried to set up appointments via email but didn't always get a response. Airtime for cellphones, which is the predominant communication line is very expensive. Now the frustrations were growing.

Even my previously "closest friends" were not always available. It was difficult getting a foot in the door by saying you know somebody there, because that was considered nepotism. But that's how you get jobs in America!! It just felt like nobody knew me anymore. A lot was happening around Kampala and sometimes I would attend those public meetings but everybody knew each other except me. It was difficult getting lost in the "big people" and becoming insignificant in my own country. I wanted to find a public park and sit or a cafe and hang out without having to pay a lot for it..These spots were few and quite pricy for Uganda standards. It also seemed that you could not sit for ever, plus I had to go through the city to get there and through the main bus park and all the hustle and bustle or a disorganized city like Kampala. I could not fit anywhere. My resources were diminishing each day. Remember,I had to contribute at home and many times just be the provider. I still had to pay those school fees and my loans back in the US.

I became desperate and desperate by the day. I spent most times by myself because my previous friends were not too available. They had family and new friends to hang out with. Plus the job culture had changed, you could no longer walk into one's office and strike up a conversation. you need an appointment except one worked with the government. Even then, you had to call first. I found entertainment in things not very popular with all Uganda. No, I didn't go to movies or the goat race (I would have love to tho but I wasn't in the "who is who). I just missed out on a lot because nobody saw me. and nobody knew me enough to invite me happenings. A few did but once in a while and mostly to drinking fetes. I didn't want to drink too much. Oh! I was also expecting so, there was no alcohol for me..my mothers was starting to pester me about returning to the US. She did not want me in Uganda, she wanted me to go back because she didn't approve of my coming back in the first place. I wanted to work with her but she would not let me do so. I was a nobody in Uganda, frustrated, missing proper roads, familiar places in NYC, cheap telephone services, amidst happy Ugandans.

2008, I decided to get another one way ticket and get on that plane back to where I came from. I am now in the United States and a family person. I guess I am now settled for life in this not so happy place or I will try and return more smarter next time, with heavy pockets or a stable profession this time. For now, I am a nobody in my home country and confused which is now my home country?

I have Found the Most Difficult Job

2008-12-16T07:19:00.009+03:00

I have done several jobs, counted cutlery in university kitchens, collected gate fare at the Trade Fairs, ushered at conferences, hosted VIPs, served food and hosted at restaurants, sold clothes and cosmetics in retail stores, taught English as a second language, translated and interpreted in courts...you name it. I have done a lot...not forgetting my professional life in human rights, refugee protection and citizenship...eeh!! It's too much..It's all been challenging, exciting, annoying and rewarding, educative, humbling..tiring...but never had I found a job as hard as my current one.

The job of being a full-time mother is tough!! It is the toughest job I have ever done, and nothing beats this job. I have never had to give my full-time attention to one thing/body like I am doing right now. I have to give full-time to this, and I cannot opt out. This is not a job where you can chose to quit or take a vacation. No, I have to do it, I have nowhere to run and I cannot run. I have to be there every minute, every hour and every second. I have to entertain him, put him to sleep, feed him, bathe him, play or simply relax with him.

Don't get me wrong, I love my baby so very much...I love him. He makes me happy and he gives me so much joy. He is very smart, very expressive and very happy. I am thankful that he is healthy, that he enjoys my company, he laughs when I make faces at him. When he wakes up, his first action is to look towards the bathroom to see if I am there. If not, he makes this special noise (grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrjhhhh) to attract my attention. If that does not work, he relaxes and thereafter he might start making louder noise. Oh! he's so funny.

He knows where to find what he wants, especially the breast...oh! he loves the breast. He also knows his schedule. When it's time to take a bath, that's all should be, and when it's time to sleep, nothing else comes his way. So, I get all the signals. He's a joyous boy, and he has taught me a lot. Even when he fell sick recently, he still smiled through it. No wonder he recovered well. At this stage, he's trying to sit by himself. In fact he's done most of that now..but not yet fully upright. I recently got him this laundry basket where he can sit. He already knows how to hold the phone and call his Jjaja (grandma in Uganda). He plays with his binkie, his play center and with the "Winnie The Pooh Family".

But even good things have their pains. Sometimes I feel like somebody could take him away from me for a day...or even a night..but of course I can't stand it. I just want sometime to myself at home where I can just stretch and relax. I want a whole day, when I can give him to somebody I can trust. I have taken him to daycare twice and that went ok. He cried but got over it. I found him sleeping in a swing. But I don't want him to sleep the whole day or sit redundantly, I want him to play. So, I want a daycare where he can play.I also want a daycare where he can be trained to sit. That is why I miss my mother so much!! because if she were here. I would just leave Biko with her and get out of here. Oh! how would that be! My mother is the utmost I trust. She will handle him so well. For now, I'll just settle for wishing. I can't wait to get back to Uganda so my family can see my baby.

I don't know how it's going to be when he goes off to College? Whether I'd allow him to leave me? or if I might just as well decide to move to where he goes! Oh! but that's still a distance. For now, let me worry about enjoying him without getting overwhelmed. Let me enjoy this so tough job..As I told my mother, men who father children with women need to give them as much respect and gratitude because this is a very serious job. Or if as someone I know told me, if men were to give birth, they would give greater value to this work and become more humane.

CHANGE CAME, YES WE CAN

2008-11-13T10:51:00.004+03:00

It's been a while..times have changed..and history has been made...A black man as President of the most coveted post in the United States. The whole world went into a frenzy. Wild everywhere, the Africans, marginalized peoples and anyone who identifies with a color not called white--the world over sighed so loud...Oh! finally we can put Bush out of our worries. Yes, white people celebrated too..because many voted for him, and others awaited him, particularly in Europe. It's an exciting time. People cried, they shed tears.

I can't believe I did not cry that night of the elections. My whole heart was for Obama, in fact sooner than so many people. Since he announced his candidacy, I threw my weight behind him even when some people were so believing in Hillary Clinton. I must confess that I've never been a fan of the Clintons. They screwed up Africa (and the world over) during Bill Clinton's presidency. Only difference (bet then and G.W. Bush) is they would 'snipper' you with a smile and a pat on the back. They were no different, it's always going to be US Foreign Policy First.

And that's where the honeymoon with Obama ends for me. He might get it right domestic but not internationally. True, he's going to put the US on the global map as a highly respected country. Already the buzz is coming in. US citizens abroad have said that they can now scream on the streets of Cape Town, London, Paris that, "I am an American". This is all because of Obama. He's been called a messiah, the chosen one, the savior, our man, the wassup man..But he's not changing the face of the Middle East for the better. He's a big cheerleader for Israel and has given them his 100% support. He plans to engage Afghanistan militarily even though Afghans want to take it diplomatically. They want to be listened to and not bombed squarely or be given more guns. His campaign had no word about Africa, it is a place that has never really mattered to the U.S. and doesn't rank anywhere as a priority to this son of Africa --a Kenyan. But should we lose sleep over this? If it doesn't' even matter to the Presidents of Africa...many of them

...............
Thursday, December 4th 2008

We are returning way to late to talk about this...don't even know where we stopped about a month ago..Yes, it's exactly a month since Obama was officially voted in...oh! I remember around this time (15:39) I was still up and about and the poling stations were still open..little did we know that magic will happen..

Now since magic happened, I am here seated with my Biko blogging...who's now 4 months...he was 3 months then..oh! i have a flu and he doesn't seem to get it...he wants me to hold him...and for some reason...he wants too much of his way...he just can't settle down...he sits down just a little bit, then plays in his bouncy chair, then plays with his toys and then gets back to seeking my attention...I am getting a swing soon..because i can put him in that..and he'll not give me trouble..

........................

Anyway, back to Obama...he's already started assembling his cabinet..including a post to Hillary Clinton..which is a bummer for me...because i've never been a fan of hers...she's way too arrogant and opportunistic...and masculinist politician for my liking..their true color (she and hubby) came out during her campaign for the presidency against Obama..and she was really harsh to him...she was the unofficial rush limbaugh sometimes..and now she's in charge of a very large office...that's not cools...how can one entrust their rival with a very important job like that...what is she going to change about Bush's foreign policy when she literally believes in supremacy of the power...and Israel is mighty and right? well, I guess she and Obama compliment each other..because Obama as well believes in Israel first, military power in Afghanistan and take out Pakistan...

and while we are at it...we really do hope he can fix the economy...i know he won't fix Israel and Palestine, but I hope Obama fixes the economy...because life is really ugly...and I hope he doesn't continue the provocation of Iran...I hope he can unchain Cuba from the bondage of US ill-used power..and Yes, Russia does not need to descend into war...Georgia is a little poor country that doesn't need to compete with Russia nor armed more...for it's own sake, it needs to get its domestic act together...and for my baby...he needs to grow up and stop crying and give me sometime to just do my own work...I am

The UNHAPPY FALL OF A NOBLE STATESMAN

2008-09-24T00:05:00.005+03:00

I've been very busy tending to my two month old son..the greatest love of all..that I've spent some time away from my blog. Then recent events in South Africa took me like a gush of wind...I did not expect that it would happen so drastically and dramatically like that, that the ANC would sack Thabo Mbeki. I thought he would simply be overshadowed by the part heads but let to finish his term in office. I am mad; that's an understatement. I am unsettled since then. I just can't stop thinking of how petty the ANC is. I understand this sets a precendent (well I am sure it's not the first time) that in Africa, as BBC loudly reminded us, Party democracy works too. I bet Political scholars are too happy because they have their 'lil' fingers already typing away on their keyboards. Generalizations don't always work in Africa, it's afterall "not a basket case"--as we are repeatedly told. Ha! But for then again, isn't this when party politics take precedent over national interests to the detriment of the majority? Yet who are the majority?

Well, this is not the first time that a party has had to push one significant person off for the benefit of the other. It happened recently during the US Presidential nominee campaigns when Democrats began cajoling Hillary Clinton toward concession to Barack Obama for the sake of party. But then again, Obama was winning and indeed had many votes in his favor, which seems to be the pattern in South Africa of recent where Jacob Zuma has had many bells ring in his favor. The recent court ruling that the government interfered in the prosecution was just the final straw. Before that, we had his Polokwane Victory December 2007 where he defeated the incumbent Thabo Mbeki as ANC Party President. In April 2006, Zuma was acquitted of rape charges with and all those who believe in the evil of Mbeki celebrated. There are many within the ANC who believe Zuma was a victim of political persecution, esp since President Thabo Mbeki sacked in in 2005 as his Vice President. So, I guess the final show down has been coming.

But why would the ANC chose to act on Mbeki now and in this way? Now when South Africa is grappling with its power shortages that has had an negative effect on the Rand for a while? Why now when South Africa is in the middle of preparing for the 2010 World Cup? Why now when Mbeki just accomplished bringing Zimbabwe's two main parties to a powersharing deal and has a long tast ahead? Why in this manner? why humiliate Mbeki with a forceful resignation? I am sure some would say, poetic justice: done unto u what you doeth unto others. He forced Zuma out, now it's his turn to go.

But Zuma is NOT Mbeki and will never be. Mbeki is a noble Africa, and has very much lived up to his "I am an African" speech (http://www.soweto.co.za/html/i_iamafrican.htm). He has done much for South Africa's national and international relations, and for PanAfricanism. He has had his shortcomings, but does not? But he has been a great man. One anyone would reckon with. We Africans knew we had someone to stand up for us in international affairs, when the west is bullying Africa (just like Obasanjo did, believe u me).

Mbeki might have chosen controversial stances but he delivered. He chose quiet diplomacy with Zimbabwe's Mugabe but he finally delivered a peace deal. He might have contested the link between HIV and AIDS, but he invested greatly in research and particularly his training, resource and capacity building of a national platform for tackling HIV/AIDS. Those who criticise him on his HIV/AIDS stance do not tell you that he objected to outside imposed programs of talking and interpreting the HIV/AIDS scourage in South Africa because he wanted to improve his country's capacity for research into drug and life-saving techniques. He did not want to go the Botswana way (which is btwn a much more celebrated style in western circles) because Botswana used a foreign entity-Harvard U to implement the national HIV/AIDS policy. Then Botswana and Harvard realized that the implementers did not understand Seswana (the language) and majority of Botswana's HIV/AIDS patients don't speak English, have a different concept and approach to medicine not governed by the wrist watches and clocks. South Africa, under Mbeki and the so-called controversial Health Minister, Tshabalala Msimang is the ONLY country I know that won a case against the dictation of the big pharmaceuticals on where to get HIV/AIDS drugs. This landmark case gave South Africa and other countries the ability to purchase cheaper and generic drugs from other countries like China and India, an opening for South Africa to research into its potential.

Mbeki has been accused of not caring for poor people and poor housing but who expects that a country that took years to dismantle it's African development channel and systematically impoverish black people will in 10 years return glory and gold to all blacks? Even America that is many years older than democratic South Africa has its black people still living in horrid situations. Remeber Katrina? Look at all African governments that gained independence before South Africa and tell me what the living situations are. These are also countries run by black people and even differently, do not suffer from the ills of economic power in the hands of a few predominantly white people. People also criticize the black middle class that has benefited under BEE (Black Economic Empowerment), but such is the hand of capitalism. Those who had an extra resource, whether brain or money will get before..and supposedly spread or trickle-down wealth to the majority. I am not saying I agree with these theories but that's how capitalism was developed. How many people criticise the Walmarts of this world for holding a lot of economic power? Supposedly it trickles down to the common person whom they employ or in areas they bring development to. Is it wrong to take caution in what comedian Chris Rock says: "A white man gets rich, he sets up Walmart so that other white people can become rich. A Black person get rich, he buys car rims." Shouldn't we support the creation of a Black middle class, which was missing, and instead seek to make it work for all common people by investing in black neighborhoods.?

Anyway, I do not believe in Jacob Zuma. He's image is tainted with cases of rape and corruption. Remember, Judge Chris Nicolson (I bet he regrets his ruling) did not rule on his guilt but on technicalities of procedure. Zuma does not have an international career well-established to lead a noble country like South Africa. He might have the PR within his ANC but he is not going to be President of the ANC but President of the Republic of South Africa. May be those who talk about "time for the Zulu to eat", i.e., ascend to political power have their drums beating loud, "the crows has come to roast."

Mbzeki remains a true "African" and will go down in history as not only South Africa's President but a "Noble African, PanAfricanist, Public Intellectual and International Statesman

(photo of Mbeki from http://geoconger.wordpress.com/2007/12/10/)

Biography of Thabo Mvuyelwa Mbeki
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thabo_Mbeki
http://www.anc.org.za/people/mbeki.html

LOVE OFMY LIFE: Biko Kafrika Henderson

2008-08-02T05:11:00.006+03:00

July 18th
I went to the doctor for a routine visit. I told her I hadn’t felt him move. We scheduled another visit for Monday.

July 21st

Tega, my sister, Damalie and I went for the visit. Everything seemed to be going well. He had the hiccups. The nurse did a sonogram, shook my belly and he moaned. Out of nowhere the midwife said “I’m going to admit you”. We didn’t believe it. We grumbled all way home. We went to Kroger to get water, we went home, ate and I took a shower. When we got to Kennestone hospital I asked if they could check the heart-rate and another non-stress test but the nurses advised me to take my midwife’s advice. So, I agreed to check-in, and make sure everything was normal because the ultra-sound said everything was normal.

Since my cervix was not dilated yet (!!), my OB recommended inducing me to ripen it. They began inducing at about 11:15pm on July 21st. I started feeling the contractions but they were still milder than my period cramps. My friend Tega stayed overnight with me at the hospital. At about 3am, I woke her up to help me to the bathroom because I was feeling sore all over.

July 22nd

I woke up at about 6:30am for breakfast but could not eat, for I was feeling more pain. At around 9:20am, the nurse and my midwife, Vivian came in to check my cervix; I was only 1cm dilated. I asked the nurse if the pain I felt from the contractions would continue the whole day, and she told me it gets worse, much worse. She also told me there was a possibility of a c-section. Shortly after Vivian and the nurse left, I felt a gush of water –MY WATER BROKE!! Oh! It felt orgasmic. It’s one of the most memorable feelings I’ve ever had. I enjoyed it very much. I immediately paged the nurse and broke the news. Tega came back into the room and when I broke the news to her, she immediately text messaged my sister, Damalie and my Bradley coach Kembe. Both had just said prayers separately, 3 minutes ago.

The nurse gave me Pitocin to make the contractions regular, they started at 6ml then, 12ml and 18ml. I quickly realized I didn’t want to hear how much they were giving me. I didn’t even want to hear anyone talk nor did I want to talk. My sister Dorothy (in Uganda) had cautioned me not to talk because I wouldn’t have energy to push. I used the thumbs up and thumbs down (just as the lie detector man) to communicate. My sister came in (from an interview that morning) and I told her, “I cannot continue natural, I am going to take the epidural.” She said, “This is what you wanted” (no epidural).

Shortly after, Kembe came in and the first thing I said was “I am sorry but I am going to take the epidural. This is hard.” She said, “Now let us practice the relaxation and positive affirmations. She immediately began administering the breathing technique, the Bradley Way, and massaging my feet, while my sister held my hand. I thought of all those people who said, I could not go natural, and wanted to prove them wrong. I thought of all the time I put in preparing for natural childbirth, walking, squatting, pelvic rock, tailor sitting, butterfly, perinea massage, every morning and night. So, I resolved to accept the pain. Kembe asked me if we could practice some affirmations, visualization and relaxation. I said “strong contractions are good contractions.” We also changed the position I was laboring in. It made such a big difference. A nurse came in and asked if I was given any drugs because I was able to focus and concentrate on resting mentally. I was at 1cm after my water broke.

At 2pm, I was at 3cm. A second nurse came in and asked if I was given any medication because I was doing very well. At one point, some amniotic fluid came out and I asked if they could change the sheets, she was surprised to hear that I didn’t have a catheter. My midwife Vivian reminded me that epidurals don’t take pain away they only soothe it. I listening to everyone encouraging me and thought, I can’t do this.

By 2:25, I was in late first stage. My emotional sign post was ‘Do Not Disturb’. My contractions were following a regular pattern, there was pressure in my pelvis. The room was nice and dim, we had the calm music playing and the environment was peaceful. 3:45pm I had my bloody show and I had a fever, the room was hot. I felt Tega’s massage missing but when she came in to ask reassure me, I told her to get off of me. 5:55pm I was 7cm and I was changing positions to get comfortable. I would accept a c-section.” 8:01pm 9cm no effacement he wasn’t coming down. 8:20pm 9 ½ cm, I was squatting. When I felt like pushing, it was a lot of pressure. I was in so much pain; I was abdominal breathing and could not hold my face any longer. The contractions were a killer; it was gruesome!! I thought this is worse than running a marathon. And I have run three marathons! I was able to change positions and I rested mentally.

Then the battle began. I wanted to rest on the right side and he (baby) wanted to rest on the left. Then, I hit transition. I felt like I couldn’t go on. I wanted to have a C-section but I didn’t verbalize the thought. I felt ashamed, because I was planning for so long. With every contraction getting harder, I could not relax my face anymore. Kembe told me, “Your eyebrows look nice. Just relax your face. Your hair looks good.” I didn’t even care how my face or eye brows looked. I didn’t want any clothes on. I wanted to bite my sister’s hand because the contraction was so hard. Instead I squeezed so hard. I told her to remove the blanket from my back but there was none. It just felt so hot.

Then the baby started pushing and I could hold it any longer. I told Damalie to call the nurse that the baby was coming. Damalie exclaimed, “I can see his hair”. Then Victoria the nurse said “it was time to push” I bore down and tried to sit up. Then, I felt an enormous amount of pressure to push. Then, Victoria said don’t push. She was holding him in. I yelled at her, “What are you doing?” She didn’t want me to tear. Then she said push, but I didn’t feel the urge. Tega said she was on the verge of crying. He started crowning and I bore down and felt his head coming out and his shoulders. Then I felt him released completely, the second orgasmic moment. Damalie cut the cord. He was cleaned and his vital signs were normal and he wasn’t crying. Victoria said he wasn’t crying because he was tired. Everyone was surprised at how big he was all 8lbs 9oz. He came out peeing. His toes were big, his nose was big and even his equipment was big. He had lots of hair (they (Abaganda) say if a constant heartburn during pregnancy is sign of lots of baby hair).

In my birth plan I wanted to give birth while squatting or on my fours I also wanted to walk around during labor, but the baby wasn’t going to have it like that. Still, my midwife followed most of my birth plan and granted me most of my wishes. She put the baby on my tummy for a while as Damalie cut the cord, gave him to me to nurse after cleaning, and did not give me much medication except for Hepatitis B and eye medicine. I was so overwhelmed that this is my child. I already know he is very brilliant. He began nursing and observing his new world. I’m already planning for his first spelling bee. Biko Kafrika Henderson arrived at 8:48pm, Tuesday July 22 at Kennestone Hospital in Marietta, GA. He was surrounded by the love of his neat, organized and professional Bradley Coach, Kembe Nakiina Sullivan, his loving Auntie from New York by way of The Fletcher School, Tega Shivute and Family representative and Auntie, Damalie Lwanga. Dad and (maternal) auntie were informed shortly thereafter.

The Pragmatists, The Radicals, The Idealists

2008-07-04T01:01:00.002+03:00

One time I took the political campus survey and found out that I was closer to Bush than...or I was leaning more towards conservative..Not too much of a surprise because I share some conservative views, particularly when it comes to family, culture and issues of natural law. I strongly believe in the defined gender-roles where women do not have to be the same as men to be equal to men. In other words, we do not have to do "men's work" to be the same. Obviously there are some women who will rip me apart with the question, "what is men's work?" I don't have to climb a ladder to replace a light in my house, or dig trenches or repair a broken door. I want a man to do that. Plus I want a man to take care of me, as a partner and I also believe in men picking up the check when we go out. That's also my African-self, and female self.

Some of my associates have called me radical, idealist and pragmatist, on different occasions. That's ok; I am not scared of any of these terms. I do agree that I am politically, culturally and womanly radical. And like Obama said, in The Audacity of Hope, It was not the pragmatists who led the struggle for liberty. It was the unbending idealists who recognized that power would concede nothing without a fight." He goes on:

"I am reminded that deliberation and constitutional order may sometimes be the luxury of the powerful, and that it has sometimes been the cranks, the zealots, the prophets, the agitators, and the unreasonable --in other worlds, the absolutists--that have fought for a new order."

But then again, we are all one or the other at different scenarios. There are people who claim to be tree huggers yet do not trust natural medicine and want all of it medicated. Then there are tree huggers who will consume all environmentally-friend products and still stick to their SUVs..Then there are those who believe in holding on to power at all cost. Some are historicals and will go down in the books as liberators, as nationalists, as strong leaders...but turned cruel. And this is what has happened to Mugabe.

President Mugabe is the radical, idealist who sought pragmatism and returned to radicalism to hold on to whatever power he was losing in Zimbabwe. He is one of the most popular personalities in Afro-history..both continental and the Diaspora. He led a revolution against Ian Smith in Mathebeland--former Rhodesia--now Zimbabwe. He's been our Hero for a longtime, an African Icon, a Black leader and nationalist. Yet, time has told a different story for him.

I wonder how he feels now..looking back at a country he fought for, at a people who cherished him and a nation whose pride he re-colonized from the throngs of evil white men--colonialists, occupiers and colonial settlers. The faces of his people have gone pale, not just because of scarcity of basic goods, but with rage at him, pain, agony and vehemency opposition to his grip on political power. Mugabe has managed, for a longtime to divide us Africans and the blacks against whites. Many of us sought not to rebuke him because doing so would be tantamount to "stooging" for the British or the white man.

Now Mugabe has become a problem of us all, not just Zimbabwe or Africa but all Black People who love the liberty, strength, success and resilience of black people. We can no longer justify Mugabe's grip on the Zimbabwean Presidency, because he is no longer fighting the white man, he is now fighting the blacks. In fact some would argue that he has always fought against the blacks, the Africans (except for that period of struggle against foreign domination). Then concession Mugabe struck with the British government to take over power was did not favor the Blacks.

Remember, whites remained in majority control and possession of huge tracks of stolen land from the natives, while the latter continued toiling as servants on their fore-families lands. This was modus operandi until Mugabe decided to use the fury and unfinished anger of les africains to overturn the tables against the white man..In exchange, he expected political rewards and control of power. For a while we entertained his actions, both within Zim and elsewhere in the Blackworld. We explained it away as, sticking it to the white man, and restoring our pride.

Some objected to this "radical step" as it would lead to downward economic spirals, violation of individuals rights to property and a homeland and racist. Any Black or African who question this stance was dubbed a stooge of 10 Downing St, coz the loudest noice makers were the Brits who had relatives and families and economic investments in Zim, and among those disposed off the not rightly acquired land. The Morgan Tsvangirai's of this world received great rebuke as stooges of the Brits, especially because they received a lot British government and Western Media support.

Now, we ask the question, how can an African radical turned pragmatist (to nurture a white-black state), now turn radical against les africains? C'est vraiment triste!! Yes, it's sad. We no longer can scream "hands off Mugabe" because it us he is against. As it so happens with many politicians, they turn again the same people who embrace them. We saw this in the recent Obama-Clinton campaign for the Democrat Presidential nomination where the Clintons occasionally said not so kind words to and about the black people who have literally embraced them unconditionally over the years and crowned M. Bill Clinton, the First Black President of the United States. In general, the Democrat Party that Blacks embrace unconditionally has not done monumentally favorably to blacks political, socially and economically. It always pays lipservice because it knows, the Blacks will support us no matter what. Even back in the days, Blacks service in America's Civil wars, many times in separate regiments, yet back home they did not have equal rights with whites back home. Now again, Zimbabwe reminds us that, even though it was predominantly the blacks who fought the liberation war, they did not necessary rip economic or political rewards out of it. Economic power remained in the hands of the whites, until now where it is said to have shiften to Mugabe's friends, as first priority.

At the end of the day, I wonder out aloud, which one would I prefer: Radical, pragmatist or idealist? The simple answer is that, I have been there, done that..and still do. I think all humans change in different situations. However, I think the problem is not because of radicalism but because radicals tend to seek pragmatism too much and miserably lose. If we followed Malcom X' advice of Black self-empowerment, where we embrace self-criticism of ourselves and build a black nationality, we would lessen the disappointment, pain and falls that come with trying to accept co-option into pragmatism.

WHO CORRECTS THE 'CORRECTORS'?

2008-06-13T20:54:00.002+03:00

It's been a while since I've posted anything on my blog...A lot has been going on lately....in all directions...dust and all blowing into my eyes, my face....Only time will tell when this will come to an end...But now, I am back here with another of my intuitive questions? Well, it might not be to you..But

Who corrects the 'correctors'?

There are some people bent on correcting others, all the time...they believe they are annointed, natures-given messengers to correct others..Which I cannot tolerate..There is a limit to this. I believe in serving by example..The way you carry yourself should be the way others carry themselves around you? Or one should be able to act out how they wish to be treated. I cannot tolerate those who love to correct others all the time..because I wonder, who corrects them?

Usually, these are people with lots of"specks in their eyes" that they cannot remove, but stretch out to remove those in other people's eyes..they live other people's lives...instead of making sure that their 'houses' are in order first. These people make me sick.

I am one of those obstinate individuals; I have lived my life trying to make sure no one creates hell for me no more, I had enuff of that growing up..and I've always tried to run away from it..I am also an avoidance person, I try to avoid situations that are going to make me regret my words, coz not all words that come out of my angry mouth are pleasant to hear. I give one a piece of my mind. I am also good at letting go of those relationships that make no sense to me..That do not make me feel myself..That try to redefine me into the 'socialized natural human being'--the ones who believe that we need to 'fit into' this world..I disagree completely, coz I have never tried to fit in..and believe me, it aint easy not 'fitting in'..But this is what makes and breaks me.

I personally believe recreating the world has brought me more strength than weaknesses. those who sought to redefine the world are our heroes, Patrice Lumumba, Nelson Mandela, Rosa Parks, Malcom X, Princess Diana, the list can go on...They might have lost their lives in the process or a part of their lives..but they are a force to reckon with. They are the backbone on which we stand today, they are our mentors, for those who believe that life is not all that good..That the world is bad but not too bad not to engage with..

So, why don't the correctos choose to live by example instead of correcting us and making our lives complicated? It's hard to have a sane relationship with such people, because they believe in a very high sense of entitlement to their opinion. They cannot make their lives golden but this they will make other people's lives better by 'speaking to them', 'showing them the way', 'changing their behavior'.. I disagree completely..and detest and protest again this kinda 'disintellectual animal. I'll stick to my style..I will treat you the way I would like you to treat me..I don't wanna listen to your corrections when I can go and on and on about how you aint spotless..

Should we even Ask WHY?

2008-03-28T23:56:00.006+03:00

It is a question that bothers me--WHY? WHY do we ask WHY? Especially when we are dealing with issues of women and abuse?

While this thought has occurred to me for a long time, two recent discussions on "BBC Africa Have Your Say" - "Is Mob Justice Justified?” and another on "Pambazuka News Podcast" -"Interview with women in North Kivu” triggered my attention back to this issue. In the February 7 2008interview with female victims of sexual violence and activists, women respondents narrate their ordeal to a Pambazuka field reporter. On, "Is Mob Justice Justified" aired on BBC Africa Have Your Say Tuesday 25 March, most callers supported mob justice arguably because of police corruption and distrust of the criminal justice system. Opponents argued that mob justice could target innocent people, it is barbaric or it interferes with the criminal justice system. Do we really need to ask for justifiability of mob justice against a criminal or perpetrators of violent physical and sexual crimes against women? to ask about justifiability? Should we ask victims to heinous crimes to narrate their ordeal in front of news cameras, courts of law or even researchers?

Believe me, I am a practitioner and activist for criminal justice and allowing the law to take its course. I believe in the constitution and in the inherent rights of people as humans. However, certain things are simply too disgusting for me to fathom. Why should we give a chance to people who violently abuse women, whether sexually or physically to tell us why and how they committed their criminal acts? Especially men who randomly and recklessly abuse females during war, using sex as a weapon of power. Do these men have female siblings, wives, grandmothers, mothers or female friends? Should we really give them a chance to face international criminal tribunals to narrate how they violently inserted male sexual organs, sticks, guns or rough objects inside women's sexual organs? You will excuse me for being too graphic but this form of abuse bothers me graphically. Why should we grill female victims of this gross sexual abuse to narrate their ordeal to us on Pambazuka news or BBC Africa Have Your Say?

I wonder how the interviewers feel when they look into the eyes of these women in Kivu telling their stories! Then there is the prosecutor who puts the male "suspect" on trial to tell the "international community" how he sexually brutalized the woman. In addition to the criminal or human rights lawyers who push their legal minds over their human minds in defense of the need to "pursue justice through courts of law. As human beings, a human rights activist and a woman, I do not think I would need to be told how brutal one is. I am not a psychopath to listen and defend the rights of psychopaths –like sex offenders.

Whose rights matter more, anyway –is it the human rights of criminal suspects or the human rights of victims of crime? How about if the conversation about defending human rights started this way? We would start by asking the victim if they would like to narrate their stories to reporters, the courts or researchers, instead of convincing them to tell us their stories in pursuit of our activities. One would argue that innocent people might be criminalized if we do not give them a chance to tell their story, as is often the case with old women accused of being witches and burnt to death or cast out of their homes or when power holders abuse their adversaries in the name of maintaining law and order. However, a line needs to be drawn between “suspects” and criminals caught in the act or physically identified by witnesses. The latter should not be branded suspects but given the punishment they deserve from the affected person(s). Their criminal rights will be respected once they are behind bars. If they do not make it into detention because the mob has taken its course, then their right to a decent burial can be respect. Then again, should our concern be about proportionality? I agree with those who believe in an "eye for an eye", sometimes because it is an effective deterrence method for hardcore criminals. Thieves and perpetrators of violent crime caught red-handed deserve a deterrence method of punishment, such as cutting off his hand in Saudi Arabia, tying a big stone around his neck and rolling him over a cliff in Karamoja or stoning him to death. These methods have worked effectively in the African system, which is now slowly eroded with a court system that neither has time nor money to pursue all cases brought before it. In fact deterrent punishment has been borrowed in non-African forms of crime prevention in Uganda when the police run a campaign of shouting any armed thug caught in the act or arrested with lethal weapon. Although heavily criticized by many Uganda human rights groups and activists (including yours truly), it worked very well and eradicated Kampala of cold-blooded thugs. Besides, many people do not trust the courts and other organs of criminal justice because of their nature of operation which demands a lot of investment in terms of money, time, details and public sensitization. So, why not give the mob a chance to stone thieves caught red-handed to go down with their perpetrators? WHY should we ask WHY to men who brutalize women --sexually and physically?

Women Abusing Themselves

2008-03-21T11:18:00.010+03:00

There is too much talk about women abused by their male spouses, partners or relatives, which gives the impression that all abuses against women are meted out by males. This is largely true, as often times husbands, fathers, brothers and grandfathers sexually violate their wives, daughters, siblings and granddaughters

Yet, I also know of women who abuse themselves in the name of fulfilling their female roles. Some women dance naked to entertain men in the name of “feminist liberation” while others add implants to their breasts to please their male partners. Perhaps as unmarried young women, these are things we will never understand. We are supposed to look up to the older women and follow suit. We are supposed to abstain from so many societal "temptations" until we get married, even after surviving our adolescence. We are also supposed to carry ourselves as WOMEN and respect ourselves as WOMEN to make society proud, to make our mothers proud, to make our little sisters proud, to protect us from men and steer clear of danger. But we are also supposed to respect our men and treat them like the men they need to be. And I understand that is the way to a man’s heart and marriage. But what if we abuse ourselves in the process of protecting our men, our children and our societal image?

Take for example Mrs. Gyobyo (not real name), who has been married for more than 40 years and raised a family larger than a football (real football) team with several grand children. She is the greatest lover that I know, she loves her husband, her children, her children's children and I would imagine she also loves the unborn children of her children. She is very active in her society with many responsibilities on the political, religious, cultural and women's scene. She has held various positions of power in her local government, is an ardent church member, and has taught many generations of students--from nursery school, primary, post-secondary and adult education. She has even run her own schools and invested in several business ventures. Of recent she is exhausted and frustrated, because she is not getting love back from either her husband or children. Oh! I have not told you yet her country of origin. But let's leave that for now because I do not think it would matter anyway. Women abuse themselves globally.

Ms. Gyobyo’s marriage has been her biggest prison. Perhaps the last time she really smiled with her husband was on her wedding day 40 some years ago. I have never seen her smile since I personally began to know her. I understand that before she got married to her man, she once caught him in bed with another woman. This humble and loving woman, Ms. Gyobyo stayed the course and even prepared breakfast in bed for the "lovebirds". Well, it seems that it pays to turn a blind eye because she got a wedding in return. Her man dropped his bedtime lover for the real marital wife –Ms. Gyobyo. And that was the beginning of her misery.

Since then, she has imprisoned herself in marriage for the sake of her family, that is, her late father, her children whom she wanted to grow up in a "home" with their father and her husband for reasons I cannot tell. Did I also say for the society she lives in--because "what will people say"...and because, a real woman...a real black woman is supposed to withstand all trials and stay fit in marriage. You see, she grew up in a home of love with 15+ children and a wonderful father who loved all his children so dearly. She was the beloved child of her father, so she grew up with the expectation that all men supposed to be loving. But you know, her father had diabetes and high blood pressure, so the family was always careful not to get him into a place of great worry. So, when she got into this hurtful, horrible marriage, she could not tell her father for fear that his health would deteriorate much faster. In fact her mother warned her never to mention her marital woes to her father or else he would die. So, she suffered through her marriage without her father knowing until his death. By then she had five children

After the death of her father, she decided to take a break from her marriage. In fact she separated from her husband and moved out of their marital home with her five children. But she experienced difficulty raising all five children by herself on a mere salary earned as an educator. I take that back--in fact she raised all five children by herself, and the husband occasionally contributed toward school tuition, food at home and a few home necessities. So, she would send her children to visit their father during the weekend, and their father did everything to lure her back into the marital home. But she wanted to take a break, she had endured so much beating, slapping, near hacking and humiliation. Regularly, she was chased out of the house and had to sleep outside, even when she was nursing her fifth child--her son. Oh! She was tormented by the husband as a good for nothing person, who had not given him a baby boy but four girls in a row. So the husband took on another wife, and hooray! She had male twins with her first pregnancy. Another boy followed thereafter the twin boys. So, she tried again and got a boy this time. However, the torture did not stop, and her husband continued beatings her whenever he came home drunk. So, she would run out of the house into the wild of the night to avoid the daily beatings. She slept outside every night with her nursing son while her children stayed inside the house.

Until her mother ordered her never to run out of the house. She told her that she would rather find her hacked to death inside the house instead of running out where her husband would allege she had run to other men. But when her father died, this woman decided she could not take it any longer, so she packed up her bags and left the marital house for more than a year. The husband lured her back, and the children started complaining of poor feeding, poor upkeep and walking long distances to school. So, again she back up her bags and returned to her marital home. By then her husband had five other known children from another wife. So, she this woman got pregnant with another child, and it was a boy. But that did not change the marital woes. She has not had a breath of fresh air from her marriage since before she entered it.

She has abused herself, because she has stayed in the "marriage for her children, the society that knows her, for her father and mother, and even the "prestige" of being looked at as a married woman. She has endured strangulation, beatings, and almost lost an eye. She says she does this for the children. Yet she is not happy how the children have turned out because they are not exactly in love with family. Their marriages haven't all succeeded, boys or girls. So resent home much more than sleeping on the streets. Some have fought with her husband, their father while others have been chased out of the house by the father.

She is still in "marriage" if we can still call it that. Or should we say wedlock. She has given up on finding love and does not even consider it. She thinks she is too old for a real time lover. Yet the husband is now running through his fifth or sixth woman since he married her. He has about four living woman (including the wife) and one dead. He has children from most of them. His ways have not changed, still dirty mouth, abusive --that is an understatement--, still commands attention and respect he needs it as well as attention.

And she is still giving all of this, washing clothes for a man who has not bought her a dress or a "safety pin" (the least one can do) for decades. Cooks food for a man who does not buy her food at home, cleans and maintains the house. I hope no sex is involved for a man who sleeps with anybody. Her clock is governed by his moves yet he often leaves home for more than week without telling her when he would be back. He does not owe her any explanation, yet she practically runs back home every evening from work to make it home before nine O'clock. All the children are grown up but that does not make a difference. She used to say, she did what she did so that her children would grow up and go to school. She carried all the sand to build the family home so they could get out of the rental, while her husband was working out of town and building a house for another woman. She has endured all, including neighbors watching as she is chased around the house and beaten up. She has endured other women spending weekends in her marital bed and coming home to wash the bed sheets. She knew all of this, and kept it away from her children. She has endured women walking around the neighborhood with her husband, and husband fathering children with the domestic maid. She has endured abuses from her step children supported by her husband. The psychological effect on the children is took big and loads up their heads. You will notice that the children are estranged from each other and from their father. Will this ever stop?

She has stayed the course and is seemingly in for an eternal ride. Is this marriage? Or is this how women abuse themselves?

Check out my Slide Show!

2008-03-10T07:17:00.004+03:00

This is how BA ruined my suitcase...Brand new, recently bought for a good sum of money. They delivered it to me, via fedex, three days later than my arrival to my destination. The top and bottom of the suitcase were ripped apart, the sides were beaten in and the metal inside was bent, its surface was roughed up. Fortunately for me, I filed for damages and they are sending me a check in the mail. Usually, I let this pass but it's becoming the norm (or has always been) with BA. I traveled to Nigeria last year and my bags did not arrive with me, and once they were ready to deliver, they did not call me as previously promised. Instead the carrier went straight to my house while I was at work. Then there is a disturbed trip from London to Entebbe where I had to re-check in and make sure that I had a sit on the plane. I think it helps when you have Exec Club membership..otherwise, things with BA are horrible. Just google for travelers woes about BA

I used to think that I loved Uganda.....

2008-03-05T09:32:00.006+03:00

...until the country refused to embrace me...oh! and vice versa...I am that "my too smart for my boots" kind of person who scolds people for denouncing their origins....and I am the one who question those who gave up residence in their country of birth, and do not want to associate with fellow country people. I even question those who decide to change their citizenship and acquire another passport...So, keep that in mind as you think of me..

My recent experience has turned the tables on me. As I tell most of those who know me, I am scholar and activist. I am an active listener and a speaker. I am a learner and a teacher. So, each step I take, I learn new things. i learn about myself and about the world I live in. I guess for us, learning never continues. And as a migration scholar, to travel is to explore, is to discover and to transform. Therefore, I am not immune to that.

But do not get me wrong. I love my home, i love my family, I love my origins. It is that which has shaped me into what I am today. I don't despise any one from where I am from nor do I denounce them. In fact I get a lot strength and challenge from them. If you know where I am from, we are resilient people. We were born in war, grew up in war and still in war. Although some level of sanity prevails. So, we are tough and makes us survivors and strugglers and we keep going.

I guess I just learned that sometimes you might like a place too much that it disowns you. I simply couldn't fit into public life. Nothing really appealed to me. Besides the people that work with a lot of ingenuity, the privatization of public life infuriated me. Rich people, poor country: no proper roads, sewage disposal, electricity, public transport system. That hurts especially when that is what makes a nation. We grew up with all of that except it was not the central government. It was the community that ensured we led a public life. Now it's everybody for themselves. It is ok to work for oneself..but as long as we can still have community and community for each other. Respect is also important..I found that so alien to the people I returned to..no longer a big treasure. "people got tired of demanding respect from public", so I was told.

I simply could not fit in well. I complained everyday..I went through public life like a mad person. I just rushed through (just like my other friends have told me before). I didn't want anybody to speak to me. I just wanted to go and forget that I passed through the city..Can you imagine! and it's me who loves city life. I avoided anything that makes regular people laugh; football (real football), discotheques, bars, you name it..except of course the marathon. I went to what would make me laugh; Dance week, Comedy Night, Jam Session, Cafés. I also hated them. Too much Mzungu there. Have a lot of them where I live.

I hate being asked, "when are you going back?" by people who know where I was born. I was an embarrassment to some of those most clear to me, because i had decided to return to my own country. I felt completely out of place and not belonging. If you can imagine that! It brings tears to my eyes. At some point, I had to return, and again be a laughing stock for those i left here..oh! failed returnee. These are stories we tell and stories other read..But they are real stories.

I started embracing and understanding "the American Dream". As I say, the only true experiment of "Katogo" (Luganda word for mixture of everything). This is the country that allows us to hate it and love it at the same time. We can disown it but return to it and live just like we all belong. We all belong. Can you imagine? You just walk your life away..nobody really cares. Well, that is an over exaggeration because I know many who have been denied a chance to claim it as their own, some born and bred here..with nowhere else to claim but deported to far off places because the "guy with the entry stamp" (if you know who that is) did not believe the picture in the passport look like them.

But me, like others who came before or after me... have been able to claim a part of it, for as long as I stay in good books with the system. Which I intend to do.. I can just be..for as long as I stay in the city--don't know about those rural parts of America where my people are not too many. Here, on the East Coast, I just belong. It is here I just sit and ponder about the next move.. I just live everyday with certainty that, there will be water, electricity, proper sewage disposal, heat in the winter and air con in the summer; for as long my demand is respectful -with cash. I will work my bones down..but will participate. I guess that is the good and the bad. I profess PanAfricanism, blackness with nobody squeaking or turning their phases. I wear my hair anyway and no employer judges me on that one..At least not that I know of.

Here, I also learn that I need to work beyond the pay-check. I need to use my head and own something. That is also a lesson I brought from home..People are responsible. It has to be "business unusual"..No longer that same ol' way of doing things. But my country is too possessive. It did not necessarily embrace me, unless I was like it, behaved like it and everyone else and just learned to shut up -a trait I never inherited from my mother. So, for now..I remain committed to Ugandans (at least many)..but now I know that I am immersed in the "American Dream"..that is my culture of adulthood..and it seems the culture my children will grown up in..It is open, though very domineering, it is wide, though narrowly defined (in racial terms), it is for everyone though defined by a few, and its tradition is rooted in "treating immigrants better than you treat those found on this part of the planet." We are here for a long haul. And we are a part of this great experiment for all.

If you don't like Mississippi, Move to California..and

2008-02-28T09:30:00.000+03:00

the inverse is also true...well, move to Cali if you don't like Mississippi...that's what I had this guy on "Common sense"...because that's the translation of freedom and individual liberty...it's as simple as that...Or if you think so...I guess that's what happens to the likes of those who attempt to walk in and outta their homes...if the kitchen is too hot, get out..why succumb to the run down roads, or drivers on pedestrian pavements or the garbage trash or open sewers or those suckling mosquitoes..why? when you can move to BABYLON!!

So, this Mississippi-California thing is about those who don't want to be Christianized..Why succumb to forced Christianization when you can live elsewhere. California legalizes medical marijuana and even allows to set up stores. Plus Cali wants to have separate requirements for car manufacturers to protect their environment. Now those who don't want this form of living, like those who believe it is wrong int he name of God, are advised to move to Mississippi...just like anybody who doesn't want to find to the word of God at your door steps, on your radio, on the billboards, the public life et al should excuse themselves and move to Cali. Isn't life beautiful?

Apparently, therefore people who might prefer to live in rules. One of my professors in grad school one time told us that some people prefer decisions made for them. He told us a story from his visit to one of the countries in the Middle East where he'd gone to teach on short course. He asked them what they liked and disliked about the US, and they had this to say, "You have too much freedom." I think the people of Mississippi might agree with this too, although they might not feel comfortable being squeezed in the same boz as the Middle Easterners. The Mississipas (as I'd call them) might prefer that the Federal Government comes in and controls those Calis who want too much freedom, "the American Way". To have it all. It might look like some people in Cali care about global consumption and global wastage, but others might interpret it as suffocating the "American Way". Yet in fact what Cali is doing, is behave "The American Way". In America, we have an unlimited right to want, period. And aint nobody gonna take that away from us. That's how it was in the beginning, now and ever shall be..world endlessly. Don't question us, don't stand in our way to think and practice. We like it that way.

So, I recently became uncomfortable when I couldn't just be..When I could just decide between Cali or Mississi...My options seemed to have been curtailed...and this is in a place I call home..I wanted to be African..and I wanted to be Uganda...but instead, I seemed to be getting lost...bet Ugandan/African/foreigner..which foreigness is quite fun coz in Babylon--my adult-life residence..I am a Foreigner, as well..Yet, I realized that I can be more Ugandan in Boston, more African in New York and more Black in Atlanta. I can't do that in Uganda..where I was born and bred...Because I have always defined who I want to be in public and private, since I was little but somehow Uganda always seeks to define who you should be..as a member of the society..You have to suck it up...In my career and professional achievement, I have to be among the "socialité" in Uganda...Yet, I clearly don't fit...you have to be "hanging out" with the "who is who"...but somehow I got lost and thinned through the clouds. I didn't know who is who. Or those I know, I didn't see wanting to be..But then, they have other comfort zones where they are "who is who"..they are always in the papers as notable writers, consultants..plus, they have family to worry about. Whom do I have to worry about, the entire world!

Coz I was sick of the traffic jam because everybody wants to drive, because the public transport system (which btw, I have complained about forever) is rotten..because they "have arrived"..because it saves time...because they can do it..and it is the thing to do...for me, I love public life..I was tired of waking up every morning and my heart jumps up whenever I am going into the public because i fear "them" howling insults at me..no reason why...I was sick of walking with my breath tight..running through the public..looking my way only..garbage piles in the city..open sewer, just horrible behavior..I was sick of all that.

I want to dress the way I love..with nobody telling me what is "accepted"..I know what is acceptable; my body tells me so. You've never seen me wearing a tuxedo or a ballet dress or looking like Ms. pretty. Have You? Because I know what goes with my body..I do it appropriately. I want to not have to hear abuse and vulgar language, even from the most of those who claim to have female children they refuse to "ride in cars with boys". I just wanted to not hide myself..But to be among people...I want to go to museums, music concerts, art exhibitions and see Ugandans..not Mzungu..I want to switch on TV and it's Ugandan TV not Amerikan TV or British..I don't want people faking accents..no! I don't want people asking me, when are you going back, no! I want to be here.

But now I understand why some of the greatest PanAfricanists don't necessarily live in Africa. The likes of Wole Sonyinka..I used to scorn at them..But now I know..Uganda is a country for Mzungu...they have all the attention..they have all their stores, VIP treatment wherever..they can just live a London life in Uganda...for "nickels and Dimes"...at the expense of many Ugandan young children, aid(s) orphans-the ones ripped off for aid..when it goes to buy Mzungu luxurious SUVs, houses, vacations in thename of raising monnies for poverty stricken Uganda. You don't go around K'la and Uganda and see where that "AID, SAMARITANISM, HUMANITARIAN ASSISTANCE" is going..they just jump from one place to another..

So, for now..I'll be here..and try to reinvent myself in Babylon..;and go to African Dance class, go to Ethiopian restaurants, Senegalese, Ghanaian..eat Indian, Mexican, Japanese, Chinese food..and our staple food--burgers. I'll fraternize with everybody..black people, I have in plenty...I can decide to ignore Mzungu..although they might not ignore me..and perhaps I will learn to believe...Yes! may be some people are meant to migrate home away to home...only if I could have my mother, my sisters, nieces and nephews here..would be a great start!!

Fear Factor: The Grand Design?

2008-02-26T09:25:00.000+03:00

I often wonder whether fear factor is the Grand Design of this world....and what the hell are the cynics doing on this world? It makes me more scared of them, and sometimes just keeps me at bay. Ok. I am not a tree hugger, tho' I love clean air and open windows...nor am I anti cows or vegan...though I love and eat grass and veggies much more than I consume meat. I don't even like any milk except soy milk. I try to keep away from frying.

But this is just because of the world I live in. esp. America where everything is in excess. So, you gatta take a double effort to remain proper--healthwise...We in Amerika are entitled to everything. We have a right to consume anything we want in excess. That's why it's called (or so-known as) the land of plenty..where nature is so lavish in its giving...Where the small-sized McDonalds fries is large in France..and the small-sized coke drink is not even large in France..In Amerika, you can just be, just eat, just consume, just own, just create, just do anything. that's the beauty of America but also the danger.

Because when there's too much free space to do anything you want, then you also get too much free scare the "do-gooders" or "neighborhood watch"...To them, the story line is, "oh! it is so bad to have choice". For instance, I recently learned that "it is so bad to desire a lawn." I mean, c'mon...lemme just be...can't we all just get a long, with the trees and the grass and the water and the plants? Pliz...Can't we just get along? Where I am from, in Uganda. The grass is greener than here. The grass is also healthy and normal and natural. And lawns are usually not planted. A person buys land in a place with grass, and creates spaces for the lawn. So that children can play in the backyard...So that parties can happen, so that games can be played...footballed (real football) or hockey (not on ice). So, it is natural to have a lawn. Believe you me, very few people water their lawn. They just mow. They don't plant it. They just trim it.

Except not that people are becoming wealthier and more 'trendy'..or may I say, less thinkers. So, when somebody buys a plot of land, they might decide to clear all of it, lay concrete and then plant grass. This is where the "Fear Factor", made it amerika comes true. Oh! the drought is catching up and water is scarce. So, the more you water the lawn, the more water you lose. C'mon, can't we just get a life? Pliz!!! can't people jsut think for themselves? Do we have to be bought into this fear factory. Fear for our own beauty..The grass is green and it brings cool moisture around one's environment. Are we going to hate it now? I am not going to hate it. I would like my kids to grow up where there's a lawn..not to go to the public park because they want to play. or just concrete. I love the lawn. I would like them to think for themselves..not to allow others to think and think them into fear

Just like I disagree with cynics...people who think of the negative of others. People who coin their phrases in the negative when talking about other people. They are talking about people who have kids without being married, as if it's a crime. Sometimes it's one's choice--after all we are talking about choice. They are talking abt people as failed, coz they are dressed in a certain way..they are living in a certain environment, they look a certain way. Aint this ugly? Can one convince me that all one's friends can be so condemned to a gloomy life? That all can just be struggling and none made it through? Is that possible? i don't think so.

I get tired of this conversation and I want to turn my ears off or tell these people off. I want to emphasize the beauty of people. the ingenuity. The public might be suffering but the private life is going well. and this particularly true in Uganda. People might have horrible roads, sewage system, electric and water supply. But people are doing excellent. People are moving places. I hate to think that I am the only person who knows people doing well. Even those earning UGX130,000 are doing well. I Am serious. so, I hate all the negative energy that comes from people who want to prove that they are the only ones doing excellent. That aint possible at all..I highly doubt.

I know it's winter time and it's gloomy...But can we just be reel!!

A Native Returnees Failed "Civilizing Mission"

2008-02-22T19:47:00.000+03:00

And so the story goes...just like the Americo-Liberians freed from their bondage and slavery in Amerika....returned to embark on a mission to "civilize" for the Natives in that place called Liberia...So, did this Uganda, panafricanist, africanist, brooklynite, new yorker...you name it...thought that it would be in her and the country's best interest to civilize the "natives" in Uganda...and the curriculum wasn't so tough..the wishlist wasn't too long...just a little love...can we just all learn to get along? and respect each other? and live a more organized, sane life? in a space that is Uganda? not too rough? not too western? in fact not western at all?

Ugandans, we are known to be kind to the foreigner...we are known to be so hospitable...to love outsiders...we are known as friendly..in that ever green equatorial...Our men are known to be lady pleasers...and women (esp. the Baganda) are said to be the best fish to catch...They have taken "Ssenga's tricks" to heart...My Kenyan and Ghanian lady friends always caution each other that, "IF your husband is transferred to Uganda, even if you have a fat UN job, simply quit, pack up your bags and follow him straight to Uganda. Coz, he will never come back." So that's the Ugandan men I know and I've loved to praise and defend.

But there is also that uncivilized brand of Ugandan man...and please believe me, this knowns no social status, education level, income bracket or residence. Altho' most popular in public places around the main taxi (matatu) parks and informal sector employment, it knowns no location..whether in university halls, under a tree, shopping area or office..this man is there. Like one time when I was entering a bathroom in one of Makerere University Faculties. There is one door leading to both the "ladies" and "gents"...It so happened that a gent was walking out towards me, as i walked in. So, I decided to open the door and stand aside so he could get out. Then I got in after him as he continued to passby me. He had the guts to order me, "You close the door"...even if he last use the entrance/exit. Can you imagine? I had to put him back in his place..and let him know that, i was kind enuff to open the door for him...How could he yell at me to close the door...Who is he, I asked? He asked me, "who are you?"..."Sir, I am a human being like you who deserves the same respect as you do. I don't demand any more or less than that." Well, he stood up and excused himself as the students looked on. I later learned that he was a lecturer at the Faculty. WORD!!

Then there is this other uncivilized male, who simply cannot keep up their roles as fathers and husbands no more...They have left the women to raise their kids. They no longer buy a dress for their wives and mothers of their children..Gone are those days..not even on BIG days. School tuition, food at home, clothes, necessities are the responsibility of the women...they don't seem to be bothered anymore...they are just making kids....You will find some of them "hanging out" at lavish coffee shops, restaurants, beer gardens, sports bars after work...eating away their earnings without leaving any food at home. Others will even demand that food once they get home, even if they've eaten prior to. Others take out girlfriends or mistresses for a drink but never sit down to eat with their family... One of the poeple I know told me, he doesn't see any reason...in fact he has no time to sit down at home and eat with his family or play with his kids--Monday to Sunday..."I buy them all the food they want, clothes, pay the kids school fees, take them to school everday..that's enuff. What else do they need?, he asks. "Mbu (luganda for "that")The Kids want me to sit down and play with them...I can't! I have no time." This is a so-called loving father but without time for the family.

There is another one who even goes to the village, brings all the food--Matooke, sweet bananas, etc..and sells all of it in the market without giving even one bunch to the family...Reason, he doesn't eat Matooke anymore so feels no obligation to buy food at home. In fact he cooks for himself...Did I tell you about the ones who eat at their work places and expect their wives to look for and prepare food at home? Yes. and these are the men who abuse us in the city. They will call you all sorts of names, Kiwani (fake), malaya (prostitute), gasiya (useless), you name it. These are the public transport operators, shoe vendors, shopkeepers and sellers..I had one punched very recently. In fact, i punched him myself. It was too much. He called me all sorts of names for not paying UGX200 extra as taxi fare...which apparently increases all the time..that's Uganda.

Don't worry...my ranting is not just about the uncivilized Ugandan men..The media is also uncivilized, the public service system too, the mindset as well, the behavior and morals. Plus, it is so westernized yet the "society gatekeepers" also want to emphaize traditional behavior...mostly these are men and elderly women who are always "teaching" us women how to behave. No one talks about the men or preaches to them..Anyway, I said i am not going to talk about just men...Ugandans are completely losing it. The public transport is not too public, afterall. Everybody has a right of way except pedestrians. They should put a sign, "Do not walk on pavements, cars drive their too." Coz you will get knocked. sometimes it's safer to walk in the middle of the road and compete with the cars..particularly in the city and busy trading centers along the main highways..The roads are valleys..not potholes..but deep trenches in the roads...and it's worse when it rains..Those supposed to keep law and order and the speed limit down, in fact speed the most.

Ministers, the president, police, army and the president's friends and relatives are all allowed to speed. In fact every moving traffic has to give way to the presidential convoy..which has..Oh! sorry my eyes stoppped counting. I watched as the police sped by me and almost knocked me down on the pedestrian walkway..in Kampala..Who helps the law keepers?

To be continued.

Uganda! Why does it always have to Awe Us!

2008-02-05T17:44:00.000+03:00

That's how it is here...and please I had promised myself that I am not going to think or comment anymore on Uganda....but that was only to Ugandans...coz perhaps they get tired of me talking...somebody said to me that all PanAfricanist do nowadays is to talk and talk...especially these in Uganda. I said, "at least they talk". They are better than those who do not talk, either because they are silenced by the government machinery or the public machinery.

It is worse when one is silenced by the public machinery. But please believe me, this machine is very effective in Uganda. The way the do things, the way they respond to you, the way they react to your...all aint rosy...I am telling you..life in Uganda can be the worst of it...But there are so many things that awe us here...even this silencing public...

There is a lot of scattering money in the hands of public servants that is not only bribe but becoz one has to pay professional services to access the public good. For instance, my sister told me this story of a woman who went to the Police Post in Rubaga (a Suburb of Kampala where I live) with a suspect to report the theft of her two mobile phones. The Police Officer on duty told her that they did not have a empty cell available to lock her up, and asked that she pays them transport to take her to another police post!

Another story relating to Electric supply and failures. My sister called UMEME, the company in-charge of Hydro power supply in Uganda to report that long grown tree branches were interfering with the electricity wires and causing sparks at the electric pole. Although UMEME promised to send a worker ASAP, they took three weeks. Finally we called again; in fact I personally went in and told them we have stopped turning on the main power switch for fear of being burned in the house. I told them we'll sue them should our property burn but it might be too late when we are all dead. Finally they sent in somebody today (Tue Feb 05-Super Tuesday). When the UMEME agent came, he asked that we pay for cutting down the trees! Never mind that, it is the responsibility of UMEME to ensure that power supply is not interfered with, once a customer has paid!

A colleague told me that when he was constructing his new home, he called UMEME to install electric poles at his residence. UMEME asked him to pay UGX2.3Million for two electric poles, and then sign an agreement that they are the property of UMEME! Thereafter, UMEME can use them to wire up other neighbors who had previously not connected power in their houses because they could not afford UGX2.3M.

Aint that crazy! Life is so crazy in Uganda...So, I have asked all these people why do they have to pay for public services? Why would they pay a public contractor to do their work? It is like asking clients of a non-profit institution to pay for services rendered. Then what are subscription fees for? I wonder? It's crazy. These people tell me they will not get the services if they do not pay for them...Well, I tell that I would rather hire a lawyer to straighten this out--for the greater good than continue perpetuating a system of theft. How is this possible that even those who are educated feel that they cannot demand that the system works properly nor contribute to its re-structuring? I find it absolutely too hard to stomach...To heavy for me...I just cannot want to think of it...coz it makes me sick to the stomach.

all these people are educated to university level. They always shout about corruption but they do not realize that their actions or inaction perpetuate a corrupt system. they contribute to the corrupt system as corrupters. Everything is about money even where money is ridiculously sought. How can the police demand from the public money to transport suspects? How can a utility company--UMEME demand that its paid up customers again pay it for providing services and then go on to claim ownership of the installed services?

When I complain about the cheating UTODA Tax drivers or the Hot Loaf Bakery staff who did not return my proper change, these people want to eat me up..Oh! you are so cheap! How how can one trust that you indeed did not receive your worth. Oh! why don't you give the lady UGX1,000 for goods worth UGX700? ALL these are the offensive comments one gets for just wanting a system to work. As much as many Ugandans complain about how the system does not work, it seems nobody is committed to make it work. And surely, the elite will always bail out because they can live "in Uganda but outside the Ugandan lifestyle.

Graduation @ Mama's YWCA

2007-12-13T18:13:00.001+03:00

MTN Kampala Marathon '07

2007-12-13T16:53:00.001+03:00

In case you've been wondering what I've been upto...here we go...just completed the MTN Kampala Marathon '07 on December 9th 2007. It started at GAME-Lugogo Mall and ended at the same location...I opted for the 10K coz i wanted to win...at least I wanted to take the cash home...was it UgShs1.5M...but alas! there were professionals in this race! even in the baby class professionals are allowed...can't believe it..that's not fair!! I don't think professionals shd be allowed into baby classes. Let us the teething children take on these races..

Nevertheless, it was a fun time...we had a great time...seriously..I didn't do as well as I wanted to..but was happy that I didn't hit the 1:00 mark..in fact some peeps thought I'd done great..So, I am happy..I also met other friends and OB/OGs from Budo. It was fun I must say...which we topped off with an American diet...Pizza..Can you imagine!! Pizza!! oh now I getting tired talking about it. Next yr, see me in the 21K category. no more 4-the money running

Oh! did I mention any highlights? Ok, Dr. Iam Clarke (International Hospital) was in..so was Sse sse sse ssema (Ssematimba, K'la Mayoral contestant and reknown celebrity)..and others local celebs included Kato Lubwama, Gureme (I think he writes a column in the NV or The Monitor), oh! now I forget others. There were also women running in skirts, others walks (men and women), some took off their shoes, others were in religious attire. Gene, it was for the big, small, ol', young, dare devils, cowards, harshers, non-drinkers...everybody was there. A friend of mine, who was dating a friend, was also there...and I learned that they were married..oh! that's great news..my mama came to see me run..which was great...Blue 3 the Uganda group performed..and my niece and nephew came over to cheer me up and gimme a bigs up

LRA Consultations, Hotel Africana Dec 4

2007-12-13T16:16:00.001+03:00

When you are in Uganda, you realized how much work gets done or does not...or shall we say, how much money is there to splash around...for what? 4 what I don't know. Sometimes it makes me happy just to have a chance to sit down...and watch people just sit down...Get paid for doing nothing! or pretend to be doing nothing...It's amazing! Sometimes I cannot just stand it.

The other day, I was at Hotel Africana, somewhere on the outskirts of the city..not too far from downtown K'la..In fact this is the hotel where CHOGM People's Forum happened. I was there to meet a colleague, I've known from way back..To talk about jobline in Uganda, whom to speak to..who does what..particularly in the international sphere. At the same time, there were lots of things happening at Hotel Africana, i.e., 2008 Budget planning Committee, a Malaysian scam cum business investors awards diner (to honor the group of scammed), ok, there were lots of things..Can't remember all...and there were lots of young, frail, empty-headed n' all those sorts of bazungu who come to our countries..esp. this Uganda that is so obsessed with bazungu..claim to be doing lots of work on budgetary advising and get paid heavens for just sitting there and pretending to be too smart.

At the same venue was the "LRA Consultations" to which friends of mine were participating in. Generally, people are there to talk about "how to reward people for killing others" or children"..or how much airtime to send Kony or how much allowances to give rebels. This groups includes mbrs of the Kony gang and those recent converts, perhaps who've learned that there's a lot of money to make. So, there are plenty of Kony admirers and Kony apologists. Many trying to convince me that it's the right thing to do--bringing Kony out of the bush (does he really want to get out? what will he do once he gets out? where will he get freebies, including dictating how much allowance to send to him?) I didn't even realize that the LRA are roaming freely in K'la..they sit with govt..and walk around freely? I used to think they were rebels or at least the govt told us so! Also, I can't imagine there are so-called donors who pay these sitting allowances...aka reconciliation meetings...

there's a lot free monnies to make in Uganda. anyway, I took these pics..coz they asked me to take pics and send to them...so, I had a chance of a record..some of these or may I say many of these are v. well respected people, i.e., former Ministers in the GoUganda, human rights activists, anti-war activists, LRA rebels, PanAfricanists (of just PanAfrican workers)..and yoz truly appears somewhere.

In the end, I can't say I didn't reap anything. Just by sitting at Hotel Africana minding some other business, I had free samosas, free cakes and free meat pies from the LRA Consultation tea breaks. I also got a chance to watch people get paid to just sit around or to drink beer at 3 or 4p (Uganda time). Plus, there was another group eating our Tax Money, aka. the budget review team, including lots of folks and ol' friends from the Ministry of Finance..oh! they had a reception after discussing budget review. I still need a lesson in Uganda receptions, receptions and cocktail or wine events.

They say Competition Creates Value

2007-11-21T16:11:00.000+03:00

so, as I said before, things are happening in Uganda...just walk around the city now and you'll see..unfortunately, I am still too scared and unsure of the Ugandan hospitality...sometimes you can take pics, sometimes you can not..there's too much police and military officials, plus those military masquerading in police uniform...so, I don't wanna be torn apart...

But I thought I could share with you verbally what is happening...Just this afternoon, I had the pleasure of walking around the city...there's police in white uniforms and white gloves (i guess they are to avoid infecting the queen with Influenza while greeting her), then there are lots of traffic diversions but very ltd traffic on the road...even the MTN business service ctr is closed. Shimoni, the site of the cultural event looks much more laxed and organized that the saturday fiasco...i went by the Jinja Rd roundabout, which is nomore and so for the first time organized traffic...unbelievable...so, the stop lights work in Uganda! oh! did I tell you about the saying, "Competition Creates Value"

Well, I am seated here at the "People's Space", right adjacent to Hotel Africana, where the British Council has laid grounds and exhibitions for people to just enjoy. And Indeed I am doing exactly that...representing....freebies...oh! I love freebies..free internet access powerd by UTL (Uganda Telecom)...Uhm! Finally, seems like Competition is kicking in now in Uganda, big time...times like this when you don't expect freebies, they come along...so, I decided to blog

Blog abt the fact that I could get into any of the fora, even the one on education becoz they didn't register me from Amerika!! So, I could even get to see Narciso Matos, and would have loved to..I am in Uganda, but in some way, I am not exactly part of civil society...i have my own civil society...and it seems like I am on Africa civil society...I am still waving NYC..still waving AMERIKA! I don't even know where people talk Uganda talk...rarely do I watch the news, I don't claim to read the paper everyday...I go in and outta the city like I am still a guest..and sometimes I am tired of it

But then, I don't know which part I like...where to be a Ugandan (again) or whether to be me...just do me...or whether to still do NYC...oh! sometimes I miss NYC..and I miss all that...but then again...I honestly don't miss some things...and for the most part, I feel ok just being. I am longing for the days when i didn't have to be or feel so a stranger...but then again...i am not too badly off...so, I'll just keep being until I get fished out

Oh! btw, did I tell you that the bird peed on my forehead...well...pull out your good luck charm baskets...and we shall jubilate..

What else is New-"Uganda Ready for CHOGM"

2007-11-21T12:38:00.001+03:00

CHOGM is here: the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting. Alongside it the “CW NGO People’s Space”, the “CW Youth Forum” and “CW Business Forum”. Oh! How I look forward to the end of this madness. At long last Uganda or should I say parts of Kampala have gotten a face-lift. As if Ugandans don’t need it everyday. Well, the queen—of colonial England is coming into the city, so that justifies a facelift for the city. Not that I want to hate (as I said b4, I am the biggest cheerleader for anything Ugandan or African). I rebuke anyone, esp. those Africans living in the luxury away from mosquitoes and bad roads of Uganda or their home cities and those who claim to be African when they are more Americain, Français, Anglais, Deutchmen, et al.. I don’t like when they talk ill. But sometimes reality is just as sweet.

A lot of money has been borrowed to make the city a tourist attraction, people have been displaced without compensation, and freedom of movement and demonstration is going to be curtailed to certain locations for us the “vagaries” of the city. The man who owns the city, Major Gen. Kale Kaihura (Inspector of Police) claims that, “he doesn’t want people to disrupt the city and its visitors. And so sayeth, John Nasasira, Min of Transport. Apparently, we the Ugandans, who are the real owners of this country do not matter as much. We have to give way to guests, and those who are blessed enough to make monies from CHOGM and her majesty the colonial queen and one responsible for why I write in English much more than my mother tongue, Uganda. Moreover we are going to be responsible for paying back the monies borrow to get “ready for CHOGM” even though there was never any public debate or information on borrowing the money, how much was borrowed, who received the contracts to spend the borrowed money and how it was disbursed and now used. We will never know. Perhaps they’ll tell us later but only to inform us of how much we owe and how many extra years we will be bonded in external debt. Such is M7’s Uganda.

Already the buzz of CHOGM is all that we know of. This week is going to be hard for the country and for many. Thursday and Friday (22 & 23) are public holiday, so we shall stay at home. Such is the state of developing Uganda. Also, many roads are restricted to passenger movement until 25th November, so we aint gonna try to take our Ugandan bodies close to the guests, except if you have “CHOGM approved card”. There have been rumours that people will be issued permits to walk in the city, just like apartheid South Africa. Many African countries, are so quick at treating their own with contempt while giving VIP passes to guests, and Uganda is so good at that.

Remember when the Clintons were coming to Uganda in the late ‘90s, and people had to be hoarded into certain places. People's banana plants along Entebbe road, the main highway from the main International Airport to the city, Kampala were cut down, as well as trees. Yet Clinton didn’t even use the road. He flew from Entebbe to Kololo to enter the city. Remember when Bush was coming to Uganda and all trees, living animals, food crop and humans were swept away from any public access road to and from the airport. But Mr. Dubya, smart as he is stopped at Entebbe airport! But les Americans had spoken. The damage was already done, but Ugandans don’t deserve any compensation. Just suck it up!

What bothers me the most is how we abuse ourselves, and how much garbage we are supposed to put up with in our own country. I hate it when I am ill treated in American where I live, but then I am an immigrant. But in my own country, it is worse. Americans will never treat their own people abroad horrible. Even the homeless, the blacks, the poor, are accorded preferential treatment when they are abroad. But not Uganda. For instance, the Uganda Permanent Mission to the UN in New York stopped Ugandans in New York from using the conference room as a party/meeting place during Fridays. Their own people. Yet, the South African High Commission in NYC allows and in fact encourages get-togethers of its nationals. It recognizes that its nationals are its ambassadors, who need to be nurtured and incorporated in its foreign mission. Not Uganda!

As I said, this is true abroad and here within the country. For instance, the places that have received a face-lift are only those expected to receive the beautiful faces of the CHOGM guests, yet many places are lacking proper maintenance. In fact if it weren’t for CHOGM even those face-lifted would not have gotten the kind of pampering. That is why the President was embarrassed this past week by the huge downpour that disrupted traffic along Entebbe road, Nateete, Kansanga and other locations. There was a lot flooding, damage to property, deaths and people caught up with nowhere to sleep. The President responded quickly only because the floods disrupted traffic along Entebbe road, the main highway to the airport, and at the time when he was headed to EBB airport to catch a flight to South Africa. He got on his phone and called the Min of Works to order immediate repairs in the affected areas along Entebbe road. But again, he couldn’t hold back his usual arrogance of blaming people for building in wetlands and disposing waste poorly in drainages. Well, the same President gave away Centenary Park to ‘development partners’ and allowed them to build in a swampy land.

I think there’s also an assumption from government authorities and Mr. Police Chief that the guests and outsides will believe the hype –that all is merry. Perhaps they assume that none of the guests will know about people’s discontent because they’ll be “shielded” from the screamers and demonstrators tucked out of sight. Have they underestimated the power of the media, which is now electronic, mobile and hard copied. It is available online, it is available via mobile cast or podcast and it is available in hard copy. The Guests will read the dailies, or is the government going to censure them? Can they? Don’t think so. There’s a limit to which you can deny people the truth and in this age it is becoming tougher. The whistle-blowers are endowed with many possible avenues.

Take for instance the site chosen for the culture exhibition at the former Shimon Primary School and Teachers College. Exhibitors from Burundi, Congo, DR, Ethiopia, Kenya, Rwanda, Tanzania and I understand even South Africa were invited to bring their goods. They were promised that they would make money during the CHOGM events. But the latest news indicates that they have made more losses than profits. My mother and I went to the cultural grounds to see the exhibition this past Saturday. It had rained that day, and the day before. We found most of the exhibitors seated by their stalls and looking miserable, with most of the merchandise folded either in suitcases or on top of the exhibition tables. Apparently the rains on Friday and earlier that day had ruined a lot of their merchandise. Many were complaining that they had not been able to make money as promised by the organizers and wanted a refund for the two days they wasted folding their arms without selling anything. I could relate to their misery; it was miserable for us to. The place was filthy, with lots of mud and ponds of rainwater. There was barely a place to put one foot after the other. We got disgusted walking through the mud, and simply gave up and left the show ground. How much money had been wasted on the organizers of those given the contract to organize the exhibition place? Why wasn’t the place well prepared, given that CHOGM was announced long ago? We found workers still preparing the place and pouring sand instead of pouring stone on the ground. Uganda is endowed with many stones but I guess with very limited creativity among people. Again for me I think it’s partly the consumer mentality. I have been to countries less endowed sung about internationally than Uganda, yet with much more innovation and creativity. Ask Mali, which organized the WSF last year (or was it earlier this year) with limited resources but much praises. Uganda has a lot but tends to rely on personal government. The President personalises everything and running of public affairs that the inner circle “Aboluganda, Abako na'bemikwano” or “Aboluganda, Abako nenganjani” (lit. Relatives, In-laws and friends) get all the government and public works contracts, besides of course those popular “development and investment partners and foreign “experts””. So, perhaps this Cultural Exhibition at CHOGM also went to friends and relatives who didn’t have the artistic acumen but the wit to consume the money. Fortunately, entrance to the exhibition was free of charge and we didn’t have to demand for our money.

Anyway, I am looking forward to the end of CHOGM. I want to know how much value Uganda makes out of it, not how much these resident aliens (as America calls us) who bank their money abroad. And how much profit over expenses we shall reap. And how many more years we will be paying this. I don’t even care about the queen, I don’t care about who is coming with the queen, like the obsessed government daily, The New Vision concerns itself with. I honestly don’t want to know when the queen and king got married or what Charles thinks about—they aint my royal. I am a Muganda and I have my royals (although I don’t understand why they are protesting because the queen is not visiting Mengo Kabaka’s Palace). I am fine if both the Kabaka of Buganda and Omukama of Bunyoro don’t attend the state banquet with the queen—they don’t have to go. Unless they also worship colonialism like the President and his government. One last request as I wind down my CHOGM ranting, please do not bring us the AU Summit, please do not bring us any other larger conferences, coz we might be sent off to live in neighbouring countries for as long as the conferences

Hi Honnies, I am Home..Home?

2007-11-21T11:51:00.000+03:00

So, tis not coming home..and I use home with a question mark..coz I wonder…oh! I know that I am so so NYC…so Damn NY…tis hard just being here…just keeping the hopes up

First of all, the Uganda in US discouraged me from coming, and it’s even worse here. There’s too much pressure..oh! questions and question every day…how long are you here for? When are you going back? Why aint you going back? Okolaki wano…ne mukwano gwange O-O gwenalindowoza ndi amanyi E-W home is best…alowooza..okola ki wano? Baganda bange

Aren’t we supposed to be bldg this nation? Aint we? Aint we supposed to participate in the dev of this country? Aint we? So, I am so scared..they actually make me much more scared than I was before…I’ve always wanted to come back home…but now too many questions…from others and meself.

Seriously, sometimes it’s such a heavy trial that takes a high toll on me…the traffic, the potholes, the dirty Matatus, the rough Matatus drivers, the “oh what can we do attitude”…the disorganized city..the pedestrian un..friendly place…oh! Did I 4get the mosquitoes…This is not me..seriously…

anybody who knows me knows how much I spin a positive face of Afrika..and my dear Uganda..I tried to keep the positive story going in Amerika and brush off anybody who speaks ill of my beautiful place of origin…the one that moulded me…the one that made me me…I detest thoz Ugandans who speak ill of Uganda..I often remind them that Uganda is not the person of M7…Uganda is bigger than M7…but Uganda indeed seems to be obsessed with leaders…and Ugandans tolerate all the horrible leadership.

Workers are timid, many of them…they don’t believe they have a say…and they don’t want to drop that mindset…They think “Je suis très Americaine”…oh! Ici au Ouganda, la vie c’est ca..They will tell you…people can’t even fight for fair workers terms…My mother has no health benefits…oh! Now she has UGShs50 against her name for health…Only this year did she get a letter of Employment, in a place she’s been working since I was in secondary school! And that’s before 1999! She’s worked there for more than 10yrs…My sis left her previous boss without her pay…Yes! That happened…She’s now gotten another job…but she complains and complains about bad treatment.

I ask, why don’t you take them to court? I know people who will represent you free of charge…You don’t need money to hire a lawyer..No! it’s about the attitude of people. Oh! C’est la vie! Things don’t work here..they system is corrupt…But you know what, her colleagues took the boss to court and paid up..My mum’s colleagues and herself were so ill-treated by their previous boss…but all they did was complain…Well, what happened when her 4ma boss was laid off, she took the institution to court for monies, and won…Now that’s the system that doesn’t work…

I keep telling people that the system only works if you make it work. American system works the way it does (and pliz believe me, not for everybody) bcoz people are always suing….not that we should sue all the time, but people are putting constant checks and balances on the system..

Bcoz humans are by virtue insatiable…they’ll always want to take the best from you and give you the worth…not just in Uganda…In Amerika V. much so, in the UN…bien sûr…you name it…but people here think c’est la vie d’ouganda…c’est pas facile to le monde..Mais il faut bautre (sp)..Il faut toujour essaie….Nobody gives you gold without working for it..you better be ready to get down, fold your sleeves and stand up for your rights…Rights are not free…never, nowhere and not in any lifetime…

I hope I have better news but sometimes it’s too much…the demands people have or put on you can sometimes be their own difficulty. Moreover, the amount of time, energy, efforts, and resources it takes to do things, some of which do not even involve any money…C’est grave! It’s scary and discouraging. You can just sweat and sweat. BTW, did I tell you that I am sweating so profusely…and it appears I am the only one sweating so much… Some people are wearing jackets..some even winter (in ATL) jackets…while I am sweating each step I take.

Now imagine, this the internet connection I was used to lit..free everywhere is no more…my 24-7 wireless connection aint here no more. I try to tap the one at Makerere Faculty of Computing…But it’s a nightmare…real nightmare…can’t even begin to tell you…some places have good connection but no power source…others have power source but no connect…and this is exactly where I am seated now…It’s not getting anywhere…I am so sick of this…Moreover, I have to sit in the lobby with the children going to school here…with my weird self…and endure them looking at me.

The mosquitoes, Mosquitoes and mosquitoes. Prescription gvn..Mosquito nets…Surely, Ugandans love being consumers…they just enjoy being consumers and nothing…better than that….When will this stop? When will this shifting solutions change…is it now just about injecting in something else…Oh! Yes! That’s in fact the prevailing attitude here.

A friend of mine…who lives in an affluent nghborhood of town…was driving me (and family) back to my family house…After a sleepover…then I commented on the nature of the roads, and suggested that the residents of the place mobilize resources to repair the roads…Her response, “uhm! We cannot waste that money! I commented that it’s their cars which will get damaged. Her response, “we’ll buy new ones”…that’s the state of life now…that’s the attitude people have now…When I was growing up, there was still gwanga mujje. People worked for the good of the community…people didn’t really wait for the government to come and repair the roads, people did it..now, I guess they are waiting for the government…but who suffers.

State of Education and Schooling
I wonder if pupils are still schooling? And if schools are really still schools? Honestly, I am not sure that’s true…that schools are still schools, students are still students, and schooling is still what people do. People are too Americanized in their approach to life these days, even in schools..That now liberty has become confused with hopelessness, foolishness, shabbiness, disrespect, uncouthness, you name it. I am so mad.

I am even mad that my school, an esteemed member of Uganda’s education community is also gone to the dogs…This head teacher has wasted the school. I went to sports day this past summer, and watched how unruly the students were. The Master of Ceremony had to repeatedly plead with the pupils to stay in their houses, make lines, get out of the track field, collect their prizes and remain orderly. The students were so rowdy. It was a great shame. I also understand that they no longer work in the garden like we used to. In fact the garden is long gone. They don’t even peel..boys and gals. Oh! Now you can walk around during chapel time and not get arrested by the prefects, and or somebody can call you from chapel to receive your quests. C’est terrible! C’est très grave!

The dressing style of students is also very very bad. This new culture of new private schools and wearing T-shirts during class time, students not tucked in…mushroom pseudo-schools…its rotten. Absolutely rotten…Now I understand why students at Makerere vandalized private and public property and engage in theft…Charity begins in places like this…I understand..It’s disgusting. Tis disgusting to look at students. More so disgusting to imagine that students do drugs, drink, and abuse teachers, oh! Goodness what else don’t they do…Too much they do.

Oh! here is something else so Uganda. If a man wants to please a woman or the world, he can do so in other people’s lives or property at their expense. For instance, if a man wants to pick up his girlfriend, he’ll go to a service garage, and pay a little money to borrow a car. Brought in for servicing If he wants to show up in fancy clothes, he’ll go to Dobbi (dry cleaner), pay a little money and borrow clothes brought in for cleaning. My goodness!! This is true Kampala. What else aint done here? Well, my bro took his shoes to a washer. When he went back to pick them, the guy told him they are lost. He told the guy to follow him to the police. When he got there, the guy confessed to have lent them to somebody else…Can you imagine? How is that possible? How? Who is this people who borrows people property without their knowledge or permission and how much class does this person want.

Uganda is just a place that’s so interesting. Goodness me! And then there are two big obsessions here: Pastors, Preaching, Church and White People. (oh! Did I say, two—well the list is endless). I am so tired of hearing about each person being a pastor…I am so tired of hearing about born again…I am so sick of hearing about white people…too many things make me sick…really really sick…

Check out my Slide Show!

2007-11-08T09:55:00.001+03:00

Be Well La Belle NYC

2007-10-24T10:21:00.001+03:00

Tis my city...and honestly, I too claim a part of it...just like all NYkers...We all bcome in an instant..and 4ever we will be..I love this city..The city of love, of culture, of freebies, of attitude, of rats..you name it...I still love this city...no matter what, no matter where...I love NYC...I love this city..and I'll never part with it...I'll always know there's a piece of me here.

This city, you can just be..whatever you want. I love it, coz I love clothes, I luv fashion, I luv to see plenty of black style and how it feeds the runway. I am serious..Let them say, but black people run. the music, the fashion sense, hair, make up, you name it..tis black people.

I also love that there are freebies..happy hours, dance classes--west african, salsa, twist..the joints. My neighborhood joints in BK -how can I forget Ripple Bar and in the city. I am broader than Broadway, where I work and walk everyday. and there's Macy's, the world's largest department store. Which tho' expensive like crazy attracts peeps from everywhere. You can get lost in Macy's coz everything is there...and of course America's favourite passtime (not passtime) but all the time--TO EAT. there's plenty of food there. and of course, shoes! oh! I love shoes.

We do have the WTC and the new site coming up, plus the Path Train to Jersey. Right there is "Century 21", which is another Must-do for all visitors to NYC..Didn't realize it was cheap until I got to Marshals in Harlem and realized that the trek was a waste. Don't forget to check out the "Empire State Bldg", and try to go as far up as possible..coz there's plenty to see. plus, you'll love at least $27 while coming back..remember, that pic you smiled for aint free of charge.

The Rich people don't just live in the UES (Upper East Side) or UWS, but hang out on "Wall Street" during the day. Go check them out..coz you might not get a chance to see them at night when they dine out for $1K/meal--and that might be just ice cream. This is also where people go to break their bones, esp. the young ones who just graduated but wanna get rich quick.

And remember, Times Square is waiting for you, where you can watch the ball drop on New Year's Day, Good Morning America (esp. tourists), and celebrity performances. But you'll also see a huge shinning poster of Sean John--the power against race...that's where the color of money surpasses race--and he loves it like that. the talented Chris Brown is also somewhere with Roca wear (but don't get too excited anymore, Jazzy sold it to someone else. He also has a whole bldg in Midtown somewhere on 8th Ave. Broadway is right around the corner, where you can catch Color Purple, and CBS Late Night Show with David Letterman. Oh! and always get a chance to say hello to NYC's Finest in blue

Never go away without getting into BK, at least the BK Museum, the newly renovated BK Library and Grand Army Plaza. These are my places, where I used to run, and lived as well, also hang out here. The Ripple Bar has Andre with her lil' Gemini baby. Goodness me, at some point I couldn't get nuff of The Ripple. But now I am off to another Ripple Land..I'll try to create mine..Did I forget anything? Of course, my locktician, Rene and the beautiful Nia -her daughter. They'll do your hair to the max..So, don't forget to check them out at Wash Ave/St. Marks Ave.

this is my city, this is the city I love..and forever I will be a part of and I'll love this city..that's why there are no goodbyes but "Be Well La Belle NYC"

American Dream Revealed!

2007-10-24T09:37:00.001+03:00

I had always heard of the "American Dream" but never really know what it was...usually people talk about "if American hadn't welcomed my father when he came on the boat, I would not be what I am today". There are people who give homage to "the notorious reknown Christopher Columbus" on "Thanksgiving"..which is an American tradition that you won't be surprised to find celebrated in Uganda (Ugandans love to catch up on any American-thingi..even without a background to what they celebrate. Anyway, many of these people who profess the "American Dream" are white..but I also know of some Africans who talk about "the American Dream".

I find the world "American Dream" cheesy and really unappealing to me. Perhaps because I came here on my own. I had a fellowship in one hand and a job in the other. Also, I didn't go thru "Ellis Island", and "Lady Liberty" didn't give thee a place to rest and welcome my down trodden self. I just came on an aircraft. It was South African airways, chartered by Delta from Jozi via Cape Town (CT) and then into ATL, Chicago and then back to ATL before I settled into Wash/DC. So, that's the story of my life. It aint necessarily one of those stories of courage, running away from misery, hunger, political and religious persecution or racial prejudice, like many of those who went thru Ellis Island. Or as, I read on one of the placards and letters.."if you run away from any form of 'ism', you'll understand what we felt when we saw Lady Liberty"..I guess that's people who run away from the former Soviet Union-Fascism, Nazism, racism...but also that's the story of most Europeans who occupied the present day American from the early 18th C.

My experience at the Statute of Liberty and Ellis Island this past week on 18th October 2007, certainly changed my opinion of "The American Dream". To tell you the truth, I had never been emotional about all of this, but i got carried away. Reading all the letters of people who had fled their countries, the hope the torch, the elegant lady (mother of Bartholi) standing at that lone Island gave many people. People who had spent days and days on a boat, some of their friends and relatives had fallen sick, some died on the boat, some left loved ones behind (heard of "Titanic"), families separated during flight. I guess that's the story of a refugee some of us will never understand. Even those who migrate for economic reasons still get emotional becoz of the journey of leaving the familiar for the unfamiliar.

I decided that I could not leave NYC without ever visiting Lady Liberty and Ellis Island...that would be an unforgivable crime. Everybody would want to see my pics from "Amerika"..that's America to many abroad..and the fact that I live and work in NYC...how could I, how? So, I set off...My lone self..as all friends and loved ones in the city were at work. Besides, I always do these city tours, many times by me in every city I go to..So, nothing really uncomfortable. Many tourists were on this ferry, we catch from Battery Park, southern most tip of Manhattan--past wall st. Some British, of course..They want to see what they colonized, I guess or their forepaps, and were they sent their "unwanteds and vagabonds".

It was a large ferry, Miss Freedom, as they call it. there's also Miss NY and Ms. Jersey. But we were on Ms. Freedom. She was huge, and beautiful. I managed to get myself a proper viewing place where I could also take pictures. I managed to get in front of those comfy seated Americans, who thought everybody wad decent enuff not to stand in front of them. Well, we had no where to sit, so we stand where it's comfortable. Shortly, they decided to stand up bcoz they weren't gonna see.

We got to the Statute of Liberty much quick. It was a beautiful day (well, October hasn't felt like usual October). I had a "Time Pass", which allows a few people each day to go up to the 82nd Flr for a closer view of Lady Liberty. So, I skipped the Audio Tour and went straight to the Exhibition. It was during the exhibition that it really started getting to me. Looking at the art that went into designing Lady Liberty-from the French people to Americans. I guess France was rich by then. Then there were letters of people donating to repair cracks and broken parts on lady liberty. People writing about their experiences at sea, how their parents came when they were little and how they bowed down to lady liberty. people who came at 6yrs of age, and were 80 by the '80s. This was the moment when it really touched me. I felt a part of the American dream

I realized that even when I hate American. When black people are still "negroes" to date, when sometimes immigrants are treated better than the "natives"..and indeed that's the story of the founding of America, when the govt spies on people and makes us enemies of the state..proper..when people who scrounge from the trash everyday, and those who beg for one $ and those who beg on the subway, and those who sleep outside in the winter (not allowed to sleep in the subway), share the same Island of Manhattan with those who buy icecream for $1K--what sorta Ice Cream is that? What sort-a lifestyle is that? That's when I get mad at Amerika..and I don't even wanna talk abt ze Amerikan dream..coz it's sometimes just a dream... one achieved by some and not the others.

On the other hand tho' many of us have achieved what we came to get. I am one of them. and that's when I got emotional. becoz I came here for school and I got it. I came to get my graduate degree and I got it. I got more learning than I had ever expected. I really learned a lot. I have grown a lot, I have achieved and gained a lot..Irrespective of the hardship..life has been one of memories..and I have fallen in and outta luv (mostly, with Amerika). I luv ATL and NYC, I don't luv Boston..no! and there's a lot I don't luv. but that's for another story. I have traveled the world based here in US of A: Thailand, Canada, Brazil, Senegal, The Gambia, South Africa, Ghana, Nigeria, UK, Kenya--you name it. Yes..to some of these countries I'd been b4, but others were new to me. I am grateful. I am also grateful that I've become a part of this world..this is my home to..I felt part of an American..in a special way. becoz this country belongs to all of us--even the "invisible".

It is here where you can just be..anybody can just be..that's why it's so easy for people to just get stuck here..Even when their lives aint really the best. Becoz nobody cares abt what you bcome (which is also kinda scary)..but also helps one grown and reinvent oneself. I am forever grateful for this opportunity, for the road I've trodden and for the friendships I've made. I am glad to have known all of them. And I hope that next time I go to Ellis Island, the history of US migration has been changed..that even Africans and blacks are recognized in the history of migration. not just Europeans or Africans as slaves and forced laborers..coz we've been here before we are even recognized..but then again, only those who went thru Ellis Island and Lady Liberty seem to count for Amerika's emigration

UNight-Giving Back and being a Part of

2007-10-24T09:19:00.000+03:00

About a week or so ago, I went to a fundraising event for Northern Uganda organized by a ground of Ugandans, and coordinated by a European lady (cannot even remember what country she's from)..anyway, she's a friend of Uganda..and she's been several times. the groups is called "UNight", which you can fit into different pronunciations. It was here in the city-of course NYC, somewhere in TriBeCa. It was a great event.

I love to participate in community activities, and I've actually met several more Africans this way. This has been good for me becoz for a longtime, I was hanging out with African Americans--as my big black crowd. It's alway great to run back into one's community. I also met several peeps, danced to lots of Ugandans Musik (tho' they didn't have Mazongoto) and contributed to donations. We raised over $6K, which is really a great way to go. I am hoping that I'll be doing lots of these once I get back into the city, time and tym again.

We had a Kenyan/Tz entertainer and two Ugandans who were raised here in Amerika performed. You know, this is why I luv this city. You don't have to appeal to the white folk to be entertaining. In fact white folks have to learn to be the minority, and or, just settle for their drinks or just standing around while we dance..But one thing I aint gonna fault them on is, showing support. They always outnumber us at our own events. Altho' I must say that I was pleased to see many Ugandans who drove from places to come and represent. And give back too. So, that was great.

Black Yellow Red Affair!

2007-10-23T08:24:00.001+03:00

Tis a Black Yellow Red Affair

2007-10-23T07:57:00.000+03:00

And finally, we had to go out in a bang...as they say, save the best for the last..that's it..that's what happened this past weekend, Saturday 20th October at 10p..Initially, it was meant to be @ Ripple Bar...but gat there and didn't see nobody..dunno Y..so, I left...left and headed to a Zim fundraiser..coz I was also hungry..and coz I didnt wanne end up waiting for folks who don't show up

the three of us ended up @Rutland Ave..in BK for the Zim fundraiser..where there was reel food..i hadn't eaten the whole day..been in conferences all day..so, I needed some food..b4 I could get into alcohol..but first, i needed to sort my outfit out. thus the change into more comfy lil outfits. my shoes, my socks and the UGA flag on my back..I set off. Well, they sayid I rocked!! but that wasn't my intention. I just wanted to be scandalous as i always am. Just enjoy life and enjoy.

I had loads of fun. It was T, JaneK, T's Dee and self..we danced and danced and danced. Not been dancing in a while like that. Last time was in UGA..not been to any fun and exciting thingi like that..there we men too...plenty of them this time..well, I guess that's what happens when one opens up...or when you don't care...coz I knew I was going nowhere with them...so, I just had funny with whoever wanted to dance...so, I was absolutely pleased to stay up all nite and dance all nite..tho' I missed the closing of the conference..didn't go the last day..and my presentation was that day.

oh! I'll mis BK, I'll miss NYC..and most importantly, I'll miss just being..being and being..tis so funny becoz I sort-a feel like staying..I love this city...

When to Make an Upward Move is disastrous

2007-10-06T01:26:00.000+03:00

My people have a saying, "Ekinyonyi ekimu mumukono gwo, kisinga ebingyi ebipapala", and the English say, "Half a loaf is better than none". And of course many of us tend to live by those principles.

But then Randy Battat, Corporate VP and General Manager, Information Systems Group, Motorola says, "If you don't enjoy what you're doing, how can you do it well? And if you don't do your current job well, why would you expect cash and status from your next job? (this is from my "undecided about Career move" blog).

So, because of what Randy says, I have been thinking and trying out ways to get to that. I strongly believe in enjoying what I am doing coz I am very good at work but I also do not like too much inconvenience...I didn't that before when I was younger and still venturing the world, but now I am much more focused on becoming somebody. I can tolerate what I don't enjoy for as long as it can afford me a sane living..But when that is not happening and seems far away, I draw away. I cannot deal with it. Especially now that we are no longer assured of public services, like my parents times or if I lived in Norway or Sweden (and I am sure these countries are also catching the capitalism cough).

So, I am trying to even diverse my investment plan much more. I recently talked to my investment service provider and brainstormed on what 'safer' but more rewarding risks I could take. I am still in the traditional profile, since I am so scared of the Real Estate market the direction the US economy has been going for these last coupla years. I want my little money..but these days I would like to be able to earn better and bigger monnies.

I am willing to take some risks to get out and "Make a job instead of find a job". I would like to be my own employer. I am honestly tired of working for others. I don't mind, cooking, washing dishes and cleaning the house...if I can do that in exchange for not working..when another person can take care of me...As long as they have my domestic, local and international travel budget..and upkeep...Then I can put my little fingers on things I am passionate about. Like fashion, travel, volunteerism, fundraising, mentoring and of course put my mothers' school on a high profile.

I still believe that one should not entirely give up on the bird in their hands for one that is supposedly settling into their hands. But then, what happens when one thinks they've totally seized the bird, only to die in their hands?

MAKERERE IS A VICTIM OF ITS OWN PRESTIGE

2007-10-06T01:22:00.000+03:00

The key question for me is How much bad publicity can an institution take or generate?

I keep wondering whether Makerere is totally a bad performing institutions or it is simply surrounded by negative press seekers? Every time I receive news about Makerere forwarded into my email box by colleagues here in the United States, it is negative. This week in a period of two days, I have received news about “Makerere Staff Savings Raided to Clear Salaries” (The Monitor, 28 September 2007), and then “MUK Internet cut off over sh600m debt” (The New Vision, Thursday, 4th October, 2007). How much bad press can it generate and take? What is Makerere doing or not doing that is putting it in constant bad press? How is it that a university, which is at the centre of huge private funding both from privately sponsored students and large national and international corporations or foundations, fails to prioritize its image and branding?

I work with an initiative that supports the revitalization of higher education in a selected number of African countries through advocacy, private philanthropy and institutional transformation in teaching, learning and research. Uganda is one of the partner countries and Makerere happens to be one of the highest recipients of grants from this initiative. So, of course I, as well as the people I work with are interested to know the status of an institution they support and keenly follow developments at Makerere. It is worrisome when all news we receive is negative publicity about Makerere, particularly for us who are engaged in ensuring that Makerere continues to produce nation builders. Arguably, there have been incidences of malicious propaganda about Makerere and its senior management. However, there is a lot of justified publicity revealing the ugly side of Makerere, including processing of students transcripts, remuneration for teaching and non-teaching staff, research and publishing, financial mismanagement toward staff and outside service providers.

It is a pity that Makerere is a victim of its own prestige. Earlier this year, I had a chance to attend a briefing by Vice-Chancellor Professor Livingstone Luboobi and his senior management team when they were visiting New York. Professor Luboobi was asked whom is/are Makerere’s competitor(s); he responded that they have no competitor because the university receive more students’ applications than they can take up. I cannot agree more than that. Everybody wants to get into Makerere but it seems nobody wants to be responsible for ensuring that good news comes out of and about our prestigious institution. Almost all Ugandans (including myself) with university education have been educated at Makerere. Many of us received free education for our undergraduate studies, some even for Masters and Ph.D. training. Whether directly affiliated or not, many of us are still benefiting from Makerere; its prestige opens doors for us around the world. Few people in the global arena even recognize other private and public universities in Uganda such as, Kampala International University, Islamic University in Uganda, Christian University in Mukono, and Nkozi University. Not that they do not matter, but because Makerere continues to occupy a dominant place among many young and old people. Even those who claim that Makerere trained graduates are not prepared for the practical work that the professional world demands would still favour a Makerere trained graduate over one trained at another public or private university, or a diploma or certificate awarding school in Uganda Because Makerere students and graduates have to endure tough times in preparation for admission into the few government-sponsored and the few private-sponsored places. When we are young, we dreamt of and sang nursery rhymes about Makerere -“When I grown up, I’ll go to Makerere”. Makerere was the only destination many of us ever knew and look forward to. Not surprising, many secondary school leavers in Uganda, including professionals and diploma holders chose to enrol at Makerere for advanced degrees.

Today, Makerere has so many alumni/alumnae and friends who are a big part of the university. Some are heads of state, world-renown scholars, international civil servants with African regional and United Nations agencies, doctors, judges and professors around the globe. Others are working in Uganda as well-respected engineers, social workers, scholars of science, humanities and the arts, entrepreneurs, industrialists, lawyers and legal scholars, university leaders and administrations, teachers, cultural leaders, sports persons, the list is endless. Even those who have retired continue to participate in national development by sharing their wisdom or skills in nurturing the young minds.

Makerere has a large profile of financially successful alumnae/alumni and friends in Uganda that could be a great resource to the university. Even those who do not necessarily have large financial savings can still be a resource to their Alma meter. For instance, more Ugandans give to Bell Beer and MTN everyday than they give to their Alma meter, except for those who give through association of their former secondary school. There is also an active Uganda community in North America constituted under the Uganda North American Association- some of who are former members of Makerere university community that the university could tap into. Why should Makerere continuously experience financial shortages, as little as UShs.600M, when many within its community have this money? How much are we contributing to stop the negative image of our institution or are we content with sitting back and passing blame at the university for financial mismanagement and fraud? How many of us are actively engaged in uplifting the institutional and financial profile of the university? Before we know, the continuous negative publicity will chase away supporters of Makerere and put it into bigger financial quagmire. It is high time Makerere reached out through vigorous networking and fundraising among its alumni and friends, and current students and parents to supports its program activities and university budget. Makerere should take advantage of its national and global prestige rather than waiting to respond after damaging news has comes out.

I am writing as an alumna, former employee and friend of Makerere University

TO REALIZE PAN AFRICANISM IN UGANDA, THE ELITE HAVE TO LEAD THE STRUGGLE

2007-09-13T20:16:00.000+03:00

In Pambazuka-news Digest, Vol 70, Issue 1: Pambazuka News 319: Pan Africanism and the Zimbabwe crisis

By Doreen Lwanga

Mukoma Wa Ngugi's Article on Political activism (Pambazuka News, Thursday 2 August 2007), which I very much enjoyed reading, reminded me to put my fingers down and share observations from my recent visit to Uganda. In fact it fits very well into Wa Ngugi's observations about the struggle to communicate and realize Pan Africanism for
peoples of Africa. I agree for the most part with his argument, that Pan Africanism cannot be left to the elites but should be a people's struggle. However, the case he cites of Cuba and another not mentioned of Tanzania, shows that the elite took the high road of forging national unity among their people with much higher success. Therefore, I believe the same strategy should be adopted for most of Africa and
particularly, my country-Uganda.

First, my disclaimer is that not all African political leaders and elites are doing enough to promote the spirit of Pan Africanism and national unity similar to Fidel Castro or Mwalimu Julius Nyerere. Many of our leaders are in political leadership for their own ideology or their satisfaction, and that partly explains why none of
the 53 heads of states could agree to United States of Africa at the recent Accra Summit. However, nor are Africa "people organizations" and ordinary people doing a lot to realize the dream of African unity. In fact there are more Afro-pessimists about African unity than are Afro-optimists, as if this is a new invention. Many Africans tend to move further away from Pan Africanism once they become richer and
more exposed to the world outside their own.

In Uganda where I am from, success is measured in terms of who has the most exposure to foreign (read western) culture, material goods or lifestyle. Value is placed on who can purchase the latest Germany Mercedes Benz, the latest Swedish Nokia phone, American jeans, Japanese electronic or who speaks with an American, British or
French accents. It is not uncommon to listen to newsreaders imitating a British Accent on Uganda airwaves. Little is celebrated of those people in the local manufacturing industries who produce cooking ware, car engines, household equipment, storage containers and farm tools. Little is celebrated of national sports, as most Ugandans associate with European sports clubs. For instance, there are more
supporters of England's Manchester United football team in Uganda than are supporters of the national football team, the Uganda Cranes. In fact many Ugandans are quick to purchase Manchester United T-shirts but would not donate a shilling to promote national sports. If you quickly surveyed the Uganda public on their favourite football team, very few people would claim the Uganda Cranes as their favourite team. Ugandans love to consume what they do not produce, and despise what they produce.

I returned to Uganda recently after seven years since I left to work and study in South Africa and the United States. Throughout this time, people have told me of the
changes in Kampala, and many said I would not recognize the city upon my return. That was partly true because there were many more celebrated Ugandan musicians, actors and fashion designers than seven years ago. I was amazed that Uganda music has replaced Congolese music as the dominant entertainment on national airwaves, clubs and
discotheques. I saw more shops selling African fabric and more Ugandans (particularly women) wearing African clothes, as opposed to the pre-dominant European attire. Of course the European suit and tie, and skirt and jacket are still very popular among Uganda's young male and female professionals. But there were also more designers of
African fashion, more enterprising young people in business and more positive outlook on life. However, many of these new developments lack an element of originality or indigeneity and/or are carbon copies of foreign products. For instance, many Ugandan
musicians tend to copy the dressing, dancing and singing style of African American. I am not suggesting that African Americans style is wrong. Instead, I am wondering why Ugandan musicians do not promote a "Uganda brand in their national and global marketing like the African Americans have done?

It is common to find Ugandan entrepreneurs branding their businesses with Europeans names or Europeans cities. For instances, one of Uganda's top entrepreneurs is among the pioneers of world-class private boarding secondary schools in the country. His school has branches established across the central region with names such as Creamland College, Kabaka's Lake Campus, London College and Paris Campus. By labelling his campuses with Europeans cities such as "London" or "Paris", he creates an impression that high-class education is only comparable to London or Paris not Uganda? In future, we should not be surprised if these future graduates invest their financial resources in London or Paris higher education instead of Uganda where they would participate in national building.

Even Uganda fashion designers feel that tagging western labels onto their products would increase their sales? I went into a store owned by one of Uganda's celebrated fashion designer to see her "Ugandan brand". Instead, I saw clothes familiar to me from New York City stores and on European fashion runways. I wondered whether the 'designer' had sewed on her own logo on clothes purchased in New York or if New York and European had copied her style? Given how Eurocentric we are in Uganda, the latter choice didn't convince me. In fact when I went with my mother to another store selling African prints to buy a shirt for my brother, the tailor had sewed on "Calvin Klein" labels. I asked her if Calvin Klein would sew on his clothes "Ugandan" or "Nalwoga" (a randomized name of a Muganda woman). She felt that I was insulting her while my mother said I was so "Westernized" in my behaviour. Personally, I saw myself as carrying forward my Pan African torch by questioning the mentality in Uganda that tends to associate everything Europeans (read white) with what sells.

Around the same time, I attended another event that made me mad about Ugandans obsessions with the Western hemisphere, the unveiling of contestants for the 2007 Miss Uganda beauty pageant at the Kampala Serena International Conference Centre. Contestants were asked about their dreams, hobbies and their role models. Out of the 27 girls, only two or three mentioned Ugandan role models. The rest named personalities mainly in the United States, such as Oprah Winfrey, Bill Clinton and Michael Jackson. One contestant went as far as to state that her dream was to become that first female president of the United States! Did she know she was contesting for Ms. Uganda beauty pageant!

Then again, one cannot blame the entrepreneurs, artists or beauty queens from despising the Uganda brand when the heads of state do not serve by example. When our President's family wants to give birth, a presidential jet flies her to Germany because they do not trust Uganda hospitals. The President does not trust Uganda doctors, even though Uganda-trained medical professionals are sought after the
world over. The rich also send their children Europe or North America for higher education, instead of investing in Uganda's cheaper and world-class public universities. These are also favoured shopping and vacation destinations for many "well-to-do" Ugandans, even before they visit a neighbouring African country. Now there is a new trend of Ugandan women flying to the United States to have their babies, so that their children become US Citizens and benefit of the "riches of
this world"!

This behaviour does not convince me that our first priority as Ugandans and Africans is pan-Africanism. We do not invest in the beauty of ourselves, exploring our own surroundings and building our continent before we enrich those economies that we worked so hard to build as slaves. We cannot put our roads, garbage disposal and utilities to proper public consumption yet we are quick to feed the pockets of European and American markets. Uganda's President Yoweri Kaguta Museveni is a publicly known proponent of regionalism, yet the main trade route between Uganda and Kenya via Busia border is full of potholes on either side. In the US, which we
Ugandans love to imitate so much, the financially well-off do not "make a name"
by consuming Ugandan products. They donate to their Alma meters or to non-profit institutions where their names will be erected on building and held in memorabilia. Conversely, Ugandans prefer to "make a name" by spending holidays in the west (even in winter), imitating western accents or clamouring for US passports. Should I be surprised that I am despised at most African immigration points I go through
with my Ugandan passport while holders of Europeans or North Americans passports go through with ease, most often without visa? So, Wa Ngugi needs to convince me that surely, the people will lead the Pan African struggle and we do not need strong political leaders to steer the wheel.

* Doreen Lwanga is African Scholar, Researcher and Activist working in the areas of Pan-Africanism, African security, and Higher
education in Africa.

* Please send comments to me Also see another version published online and send comments to editor@pambazuka.org
or comment online at www.pambazuka.org/>

baby mama, baby daddy drama?

2007-09-13T20:13:00.000+03:00

i wanted to turn a deaf ear to this baby mama-baba taata incident but I couldn't...the cop on board wanted to intervene but his girlfriend vehemently restrained him....so, I pleased with him to intervene and he stood up and saved the day..

Sometimes, I want to turn a blind eye to all of this baby mama/dady drama in Amerika..especially when it involves our black community..Coz sometimes tis too painful to watch...This one happened on my "A" train ride home from "Broadway/Nassau to Utica Avenue (from Manhattan to BK). The couple was already on board by the time I got on...They were seated opposite from me. They kept bickering with each other. At first I ignored them coz I was busy reading my enjoyable book "The Story of an African Entrepreneur" an autobiography of Uganda's own, GORDON WAVAMUNO (btw, I'll add this to my recommended books).

Anyway, their bickering continued and now they were screaming. Actually the gal was screaming while the guy answered back. She said, "I am tired of you. Stop coming to my house. Stop bothering, if you say the baby is not yours. Leave me alone." Then she stood up, started pulling away the baby pram (with the baby) and getting ready to get off the train. By this time, she was screaming and crying and everybody's attention was on this couple. The cop seated next to me wanted to intervene to save the baby from gettinig hurt, but his girlfriend kept stopping him. I then asked her to let him intervene. He also put his foot down and said he was going to intervene irrespective of the girlfriend, although he didn't move. Then the baby-daddy stood up and removed the baby from the pram...the baby-mama walked away and went onto the other side of the train. oh! now the baby daddy followed with the baby in his hands on a moving train.

Oh! we all got enervated (so scarred) my goodness! Now we were all worried..our hearts racing..Everybody in that cart was watching the drama unfolding. The cop got up, and so did another guy on the train. They followed the baby daddy holding the child in his hands and asked him to put the baby back in the pram and leave the mama alone. Finally, the daddy put the baby was placed back in the pram and stopped exchanging words with the mama. As the train stopped, the baby mama got off the train, and the cop prevented the baby daddy from following the mama.

My goodness! we all got scarred; the baby was so lil' and the fighting had already began. I am sure the fighting was witnessed even before the conception of the baby...Sometimes we do send ourselves to graves we dug. No doubt the troubles I witnessed were not new, but there's something about those bad bad boys that keeps taking us back to them..and this young lady was surely not alone...but why!!

"Africa's Poverty Celebrities"

2007-09-13T00:55:00.001+03:00

I cry inside and out that Bono, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie or Oprah Winfrey are the "Annointed Africa's Poverty Celebrities". The Champions of Africa's anti-poverty crusades. I am ok with Jazzy (Blue)'s Water campaign, although not too much with Don Cheadle "Save Darfur Crusade. I bleed that Jeffrey Sachs and his gospel according to "The End of Poverty" is a much cited and touted but so-called developmentalists, Africa's friends, Africanist activists. But then again, for a longtime, the Anthony Giddens, Adam Smith, Malthus, Robert Kaplan, have ruled, spoken for and prophesied the path of the poor and "miserable Africans"--who btw, is all of us irrespective of our intellectual, financial, resource abilities. Poverty in Eurocentric terms is measured in terms of money (paper money and splash goods) and not wealth (like Land, family, animals)...such is the pathology of Eurocentrism..It makes me sick to my stomach.

One might say that Africans are complicit in all of these crusades against our human dignity, afterall...we reward all these poverty celebrities but supporting their many franchises. For instance, we run after them and lure them into visiting our families, countries and take pictures of our children with sunken stomachs, we dance for me or at least some of us working with "powerful institutions like the govts, Euro or N.Am NGOs take them on trips through our countries to visit the sick, wounded and malnurished among us. We buy their music or books and master their gospel. Where we have resource, we prefer to "corporate" with them, by working in their institutions instead of creating our institutions. We allow them give us a token of what they collect in finances, on "our behalf", allegedly because, "it is better to work with them or use their tools to address our concerns". It's considered backward if we refuse to incorporate ourselves with them. But how come the KKKlan doesn't think so. For them, compromise is surrender, and nobody is rebuking them as backward, as many Africans tend to label others who choose disobedience against these institutions that define us and our paths.

I refused to buy that "InspiRED or despiRED or whatever" RED T-Shirts for that notorious "Save Darfur" Campaign. I also refused a free copy of that "Vanity Fair" Magazine, I understand was dedicated to Africa; with the likes of Brad Pitt posing with Desmond Tutu, the Oprah, Don Cheadle, Bono, George Clooney. All of these people who are so content on manufacturing NOT consent but more money for themselves as they publicize themselves at the expense of Africa.

Why is it that it is always Africans who compromise? Why do we think compromising is the way to go? The way to our dignity? Is it? I don'think so. and I'll never join these gangs. It is not true that we Africans who care about the continent so much are just seated down and doing nothing. We speak, but perhaps we are also waste a lot of time talking to people who are not interested in recording our own words. We obsess about being included in western (conveniently and wrongly dubbed "international") media and deliberations yet we are just informats. A Mzungu from either Europe or N. America who spends two days in a hotel in the middle of Kampala and writes a report is considered a bigger expert on (not just Uganda but Africa) than Nakasaga who was born and bred in Kampala.

It's not that we lack institutions; it's just that we the so-called elites of Africa have bemoaned our own institutions which worked b4 the "white man" came, and still work. We fight against their survival or their functionality coz we say, all is backward. Often, we fight each other instead of embracing each other. I find it absolutely self-hating for an African to label African culture as backward (as M7 of Uganda often does), African work ethic as appauling, African manners as primitive. It is these people who are trying to create western institutions, western cultural standards and values in an African setting. They claim to be modernizing Africa yet all they are doing is converting African way of life. Africans are hardworking and resilient. Africans have served the Arabs, the whites as slaves for generation, with no pay but absolutely fabulous results.

We have a lot of positive results to show for our contribution to modern Europe, modern North America and modern Arab world, than all these groups have to show for their positive contribution to Africa and the black word. But then, we don't want to create our own financial wealth but seek to enrich those who already have or those who are creating brand news..then we badmouth ourselves!!

I don't wanna see no more bono, don't wanna see no more Angelina Jolie (even tho' I agree she's a beautiful and sexual woman), nor do I wanna see Oprah's big splash events which she can't invest in her poverty stricken hometown

Who are the real Feminists?

2007-09-06T21:56:00.000+03:00

For a while I've been asking this question to myself, who are the REEL FEMINISTS? It might seem damn to those who proclaim to be feminists but I wonder if these are modern day feminists are instead mis-guided miscreants? But I ask this question because I don't think I am so proud of the self-proclaimed feminist. I think some of them are self-serving while others are destructive. I know of self-proclaimed feminist who scream out on behalf of the "woman" while they can't even salvage themselves. I am particularly concerned about African feminists. The so-called African feminists don't want to admit that they are bread out of White, Eurocentric feminism

You know, there's a general misconception that feminism is women's liberation, and that women liberation took root because women fought the male domination (chauvenism, masculinist biases). I don't think so, the current so-called liberation, which involves women beginning to work in corporations or in modern (westphalian) political discourse or corporate media is not because men thought women need it, and were defeated. In my analysis, women began to do most of these work because men were either sent off to war or were decimented by war and women had to begin. This is particularly true for the US, whose feminist discourse tends to influence a lot global feminist framework...where men went off to walk and women were needed to fill those jobs. And I don't necessarily agree with it was a good thing.

First of all, there's a misconception that women didn't work outside the home or in commerce before they engaged in industry. Yet, there is a lot of evidence of women engaging in trading (be it barter trade or cash) in Africa. Ever heard of the Nigeria market women? There is also much evidence that women in Africa were engaged in politics, for instance the Buganda queen mother wielded much power and could cause the demise or dethrowning a King she didn't like. Women also dealt with politics of the home, or what is now sometimes referred to as "Minister of Home Affairs". Many women still do.

The difference is that women didn't have to compete with men nor to be like men, just like current so-called feminist love to do. Feminism wasn't equated to sameness; women could be equal to men without being the same as men. Our grandmothers and mothers exhibited a high level of feminism, because they were able to keep men still being men and father. They carried out their feminine duties with dignity and the man had to pick up his tab. Our grandfathers and fathers knew that they had to go buy the bread...while the wife and children helped in the garden and the house. The men were not just seated. I remember when I was in Senegal, around lunch time and after, you'd see men seated while women and children are working. A "feminist policewoman" would quickly jump to the conclusion that men are not working! But these men go out in the evening and cast their nets, then wake up early in the morning to catch the fish, bring it home and then give the nets to the male children to clean. In agricultural societies, it is much more common to find men working hired laborers in gardens or farms while their wives dig in the family garden. Because we expected (and still do, hopefully) our men to provide for us. There is nothing wrong with that. That is why in most of our African socities, men pay bride price, to thank our parents for raising us, not because they are buying us. Not all societies sanction beating a wife. In fact there are women don't feel loved by their husbands if they do not beat them. But also, there are provisions in our traditional feminism for reporting and sending back a husband if he is not performing his male/husband duties.

Nowadays, these so-called feminist can't even keep their men being men or fathers. Many can't keep their marriages, nor keep the fathers of their children taking care of the family/children without the intervention of the court. The solution is divorce and single motherhood. Then others who are "learned" still can't drag themselves to court, yet if they are lawyers they quickly take up cases of clients for divorce or child support. For those who are not yet married, these feminists have made it really much harder for many young women to find suitable mates, as they've legislated against most forms of cultural norms and practices. Some have been dubbed "harmful" even where no harm can be proven. We the baganda have protested against this. http://www.feministafrica.org/05-2005/feature-sylvia.htm

I find it pretentious that these feminist charge men for marital rape, and then advocate for legislating prostitution. Put up your hand if you want your daughter, sister, niece or granddaughter to become a prostitute? Why not call for criminalization of prostitution--the act of buying and selling--that way both the buyer and seller are criminalized. I take issue with these feminists because they confuse male violence with African feminism or African marital life, yet there's nothing African about violence. Violence happens everywhere and both men and women beat, murder and abuse their spouses and marriages.

Women forget that there are the bearers of men, and have to nurture men..otherwise, what you "you reap what you sow". If you bring up your son in a single household, with quarrels in the house, chances are that they are going to take that up. I have talked to many older women who don't want to age by themselves. Others are now using all sorts of artifical rubber or plastic male organs to stimulate themselves while others have "one off sexual intercourse". All in the name of "liberation". I think men have now been spoilt not simply because men have become bad but because the game of capitalism, the confusion of modern day feminists and misguided miscreants who have confused the search for money and a career oriented lifestyle for confusion. I am not sure women won the battle, if there was any in the first place. Slowly by slowly young women are beginning to realize that and reclaiming their femininity.

What is interesting to me, is how becoming a "woman" (and an African woman) is not a privilege of the "educated" who at the same time deny the same chance to young gals through their professional careers or explosive advocacy. I have many African friends from Kenya, Ghana, the US, you name it..ask me for tips that our "Ssenga" (paternal auntie) gave me when I was growing up. Apparently, we Baganda women are well-known for nurturing the men and taking care of our husbands. My Kenyan friend told me that there is a saying in Kenya that, if your husband is transferred to Uganda, even if you have a UN job, quit and follow him because he won't come back. Another Ghanaian friend told me that when the British left Uganda at Independence, all the Ghanaians who'd gone to teach in Uganda return as well to Ghana--with Ugandan wives!! So, I guess traditional feminism has something to treasure.

A while ago, I reviewed a book entitled, 'Women in African Colonial Histories’ by Jean Allman, Susan Geiger, and Nakanyike Musisi, eds. , which I recommend for everybody to read. Have a great weekend!

Are there any Gender Neutral Bathrooms?

2007-09-06T18:17:00.000+03:00

This is a question I heard walking through the corridor on my office floor. New Yorkers or Americans! They owe the world an apology. They just can't be happy that they have a bathroom, one with running water, toilet rolls and paper towels (poor trees), wide mirrors, disability accessible bathrooms..you name it. In fact there are tiles in our bathroom, when most of the world's population can't even afford to put tiles in the kitchens...uhm!!

I just laughed, silently...least I am accused of being sexist or anti-gay people. Never in my life have I thought of asking for "gender neutral" toilets, although I must confess that I've been and used men's bathrooms before. I don't think that really makes me "gender neutral"...coz it's been in situations of great need. You know the ladies line is ALWAYS long, esp. in night clubs, bar, airport or busy restaurants..I've had moments when I can't wait for all the females in the line to empty their bowls. so, I just dashed into the "gents"...and hoped and prayed that none of them opens the door. Well, sometimes I've encounted "standing men" on my exit. I have to tell you that gents bathrooms are less crowded than the ladies rooms but they also smell much more than the ladies.

But how many places can one ask for gender neutral bathrooms? Are Americans just too chosy. Which reminds me; my first encounter with "gender neutral bathrooms" was when I was working with the Lawyers for Human Rights in South Africa. Our office had a lot of programs including one on LGBT. So, one day we had a workshop and one of the participants asked me to show him where the bathrooms were. I pointed to where the gents were. He asked where the ladies room was, and I told him. Then he started heading toward the ladies room. I told him, no you are going in the wrong direction and pointed out again where the gents were. He asked, why I was insisting on the gents. You know, coming from Uganda where we have "defined" gender/sexes, it didn't even strick me why he was bothered. Until later one where I was here in the US, it came back to me that, oh! he was gay. It's an interesting world we live in. Where we have to learn to tolerate and also learn to accomodate.

For instance, many places that now have "gender neutral" bathrooms still don't have disability accessible platforms and or train stations. Ever been on the New York City or Montréal subway? Well, don't bring your heavy suitcases lest you have a very strong man (oops, bite me feminist!) or if you trust your workouts. I have had my undesirable experiences in both places, except that New Yorkers will quite often give a hand if they see you struggling with your luggage..particularly the males (that's Y I say strong men) Many apartment bldgs in NYC don't have elevators and you have to walk up, sometimes upto 6 floors to the stairway. If you are moving into a new apt, it's absolutely a nightmare. For the most part, I have tried to avoid renting on the top floor or a six-floor apt building unless there's an elevator. Other times, I've reverted to movers or my male buddies.

Lemme just say that I don't intend to demean any gender neutral bathroom users, nor gay people. I am just sharing my experience and also how it confirms my "straightness biases" towards the male and female gender. On the other hand, I am one of the biggest cheerleader for societal defined genders and gender roles. I am not a fan of women wanting to be men...but that will be for my next discussion. Mweraba!

Unfinishes Biz: West Africa Travels et al

2007-09-06T03:15:00.000+03:00

Following my last blog entry on West Africa--Ghana and Nigeria in particular, I exchanged my impressions of these two countries with several colleagues some of whom are either Ghanaian or Nigerian, while others have traveled to either of these countries. I know it's a taboo to compare Ghana to Nigeria (Ghanaians don't wanna be in the Shadow of Nigerians). But I surely can't escape this comparison, coz I've visited these two countries one after the other...but also becoz 5 outta the 10 Africans abroad tend to be either Ghanaian or Nigerian.

Anyway, one of my friends, a respected global leader and citizen put it this way, "Ghana is an East African country in West Africa." To me this meant, "Ghana is colonial like Kenya and Uganda". We in Uganda are too colonial...we clamor for anything that's British or American. Unlike most of West Africa where you feel the Africaness or a daily basis..Ugandans love to bost of the latest jeans, Mercedez or going to "Londo". The Ghanaians I met in Accra were nothing close to the proud Kente displayed the world over or to Nkrumaism, which is universal African/Black clan.
Ghanaians wear those Europeans clothes and they seem to get the worst of the second-hand bales. Even the 'intellectuals' are scared of being 'black' or 'African. My host, who is an established academic and feminist asked me if I was going to cover my hair with a scarf for the 'formal event', that I had gone to officiate at--the launch of a case study on Higher Education in Ghana. Not because I am a Muslim but because I have dreadlocks! I was very offended especially given that it is the same person advocating for non-discrimination of females/women. But then again, perhaps it ends at women. My African American buddy who was there (conducting doctoral research) told me that Ghanaians are conservative--a pseudo for Europeanized.

Another Ghana-Uganda comparison is how unplanned and ugly the capital city--Accra looks. The garbage is everywhere, power goes off, the traffic congestion is horrible and the roads are small. the city is totally unplanned and one wonders why all that Gold that Ghana is endowed doesn't end up cleaning the city. The government needs to make "AngloGold Ashanti plow back the Gold into Ghana's infrastructure.

Don't get me wrong, Nigeria has its issues and Nigerians are not necessarily the patriotic lot. But they are Nigerians and they know who they are; they hold their heads up high even when they are bickering about their country. Nigerians have style too, and can design in African tissu. I love Abuja. Another thing I loved about Nigerians is that they aint impressed with whether one comes from the US or UK. They don't care much where one comes from, unlike in Uganda or Ghana. In Uganda, I was deemed a foreigner in my own country, as friends kept introducing me, "this is my friend Doreen. She is from New York." In Ghana, I told the hotel worker that I am from Uganda but he insisted that I must be from the US. Why? I guess because they don't get many Africans staying in hotels!

As a Nigerian friend I met in Dakar, Senegal once told me, "in Nigeria, nobody cares if you are a celebrity because everyone is a celebrity."On my way out of Nigeria at Abuja Airport, I was asked to open my bags at the security check point. I told the men standing by jokingly that I am a woman, and could lift them onto the table. The guy responded, this is Africa not Europe or America where you can say that. Ironically, I've always taken African men for granted because our gender roles are still well defined--for the most part. I wouldn't tell this to anyone in America--lest NYC where women fight to be men, thus men don't even care about playing the men's part. In NYC, men fight to get on the with the women and won't even give up their sit if you are standing (unlike in the South like ATL).

Un Decided about Making a Career Move

2007-08-31T16:51:00.000+03:00

This is the wisdom I received, thanks to "google.com". Thought some of you might need this..Best Wishes!!

1. Don't pick a job. Pick a boss. William Raduchel, Vice President of Corporate Planning and Development, and CIO, Sun Microsystems

2. No matter how high your career registers on the conventional charts, you've got to listen to your heart. Patty Stonesifer, President and Chairman, Gates Library Foundation

3. I've always based my career decisions on the quality of the people I'd be working with. Fay Vincent, Founder, Vincent Enterprises

4.Consistency brings you industry-wide respect.....Jumping from fad to fad to get promoted quickly is neither satisfying nor sustainable. Patrick Naughton,President and CTO, Starwave

5. Be careful about getting too good at one thing....If you feel as if you can't get much better at something, do something else. Esther Dyson, President, EDventure Holdings

6. Don't take a job, make a job. Joline Godfrey, Founder, An Income of Her Own

7. Jean Paul Getty says that to become rich, you should change jobs 12 times between the ages of 21 and 35. Quoted by Bill Haber
Special Advisor to the President, Save the Children

8. If you want to play the new career game, you have to be a good negotiator. Leigh Steinberg, Partner Steinberg & Moorad

9. The most important skill you can learn is how to manage people. And you can't learn how to manage people without managing people. Leonard Schlesinger, Professor of Business Administration Harvard University

10. If you don't enjoy what you're doing, how can you do it well? And if you don't do your current job well, why would you expect cash and status from your next job? Randy Battat, Corporate VP and General Manager, Information Systems Group, Motorola

11. Focus. Understand what you do best and choose opportunities that will leverage those core capabilities. Robert Perkins, Executive Vice President, Marketing and Corporate Development, Playboy Enterprises

12. You learn where you fit in by not fitting in. You learn what you want to do by doing what you don't want to do. Mark Albion, Founding Partner, You&Company Cofounder, Students for Responsible Business, Dover, Massachusetts

13. The first step to creating a career is creating a brand -- you. (in)Lisa Gansky

All this and more at http://www.fastcompany.com/online/11/one.html

wealth creation or wealth begging

2007-08-31T03:09:00.000+03:00

You know, I have this conversion each and every other time with my family, my friends and strangers i meet that you can get rich anywhere. Many people think you can only get rich in America or Europe and this is so true of Africans...But I always argue that you can get reach anywhere, even in the middle of a war...provided you put your head, hands and feet and not just your brain to work. Coca cola makes a lot of money in the middle of war-becoz you'll find many bottles lying around. So does MTN, Sony, BMW, becoz you know what, guerrillas and government fighters will always make call, listen to BBC Radio (here's where Sony electronics comes in) and or ride in Mercedes.

It is true that many people who were paupers in their own country come to the US or Europe and get rich. Others come here (incl. youz truly) seeking further education and we get it, in the classroom, but also outside the classroom. It is also true that the United States for instance is built on immigrant labor and in fact holds some of the people who possess the highest amount of individual wealth.

Then again, people can get rich anywhere, if we are willing to change our mentality. know not-well-to-do Irish immigrants to Uganda who came and established very successful hospitals, radio stations, bars and night pubs. Many people come to Uganda (and elsewhere in Africa) with loans borrowed from their banks in Europe and North America, buy land and set up hotels or tourist resorts. In a year or two they can payback all they borrowed. Others even bring more contagious products like Cigarettes (BAT), Whiskey or guns, and sell to Africans who love to have "the white man's brand", irrespective of the cost. Others buy whole islands from countries quick to sell off their countries and displace local inhabitants. I think this mentality of loving to "get an office job" is an unforgivable sin.

I was talking to my brother tonight about people who grow up in the projects of Brooklyn or Queens, Kampala-Kisenyi or Soweto, and raise to become the world millionnaires. the sky becomes the limit for them. Nothing is far away from their reach. People who didn't have a high degree of formal education, but have a lot of street education and end up employing those with Ph.Ds (and I am talking about academic ones). Think of Jay-Z, 50 Cent, Chameleon (UG) or Mandhoza. People who don't speak any of the languages in the country where they migrate to and end up running the entire business sector--like the Chinese are now doing or the missionaries-cum-colonizers did in Africa. Think about that.

Some of us just love the office. We were born for the office. We were told, hardwork pays. So, go to school and you'll live large. Yet we might end up living large but on credit for the rest of our lives. I was listening to this US analyst of what's currently happening on Wall Street who rightly said that, "People think they need American but America needs the world". Becoz without the world purchasing and traveling to America, the economy would be in much worse situation. Americans love to consume but they can afford to do so on credit because other people pay in cash." And I always tell people that, the poor service the rich.. Of course this aint no new revelation; people have pointed to this since time immemorial. And the fact that the West's annual balance of payment (financial transfers) from Africa is greater than all the so-called Direct Foreign Investment or the fact that France conditioned Haiti's independence on its commitment to compensating the enslavers or the fact that our consumerism and love for Louis Litton, Gucci, CK, Phat Farm, Roca Wear, Sony, Mac and Apple products or Microsoft puts more money into the rich and empties ours. As they go on vacation or to play golf, we take on another job to service the next purchase. C'est une paradox!

I hope that time will come when we who love the office, change from wealth begging to wealth creation. Stop being content with sitting in the office but use our imagination to turn our dreams into reality. Of course there are many people already doing that. I know for sure one Gordon Wavamuno, who dropped out of school to begin working in his father's shop, then became a taxi conductor, then a taxi driver and now onto one of the wealthiest Ugandans and in fact Honorary Consul of Hungary in Uganda! Then we have Chameleon, the Eastern and Southern Africa music sensational from Uganda, who's education background I don't even know. But he has all that we all look for--money, wealth and the pursuit of happiness.

I guess when I talk about this, I am partly talking about myself and reminding myself and those close to me that we should stop the mentality of always looking for someone else to hire us. Some of us hold high opinions about moral rights or wrongs, yet the people we work for were not necessarily the most moral high people. Many of these are people who enslaved our own people, robbed from our continent, connived with the killers and are now giving back to us as the biggest philanthropies. What do we do? We hide our heads in shame...and seek to "use their finances for the betterment of our homes". I think we are just contributing to a viscous cycle of injustice. Bcoz I tell you what, these people get tax deductions each time they give (even if they are dead) and their stocks grown higher and bigger.

I was impressed when I was in South Africa recently to watch a "Junior apprentice" TV program...you know, something similar to Donald Trumps "The Apprentice", except that this was for children. They were supposed to develop a business plan and sell it. It was absolutely fascinating to see the ideas these kids were coming up with. This was stellar! I wished that many of us had these opportunities when we were growing up. Of course everybody that gets out of the comfort of their home becomes creative. But then again, we still get back to the office and get frustrated in return. So, I hope that I can put my love for fashion and sense of style into something fashionable...That's what I want to retire to. So that I can go on vacation at my own pace.

Abuja is a Model City

2007-08-28T01:08:00.000+03:00

I was in Abuja from the 17th to 25th of July this year (2007) for another work-related event. Didn't have a chance to head to Lagos but en-shallah! I'll be there soon. some friends of mine live in Abuja, bumped into ol' friends at the Transcorp Hilton (which is 100% Nigeria), made friends on my flight from LHR to Abuja and new ones in Nigeria. I must say, it was a wonderful experience

I only wondered why Nigerians tend to hate their country or talk ill of it. Abuja is great and each country in Africa deserves a model city. I was pleasantly surprised. Lots of people who talk ill of Nigeria and Nigerians would be stunned by this city. Calm, wide roads, clean and well planned buildings, no visible open sewage (for the most part) and lots of leisurely parks and public places.
This is the Unity Park in Abuja, which has a fountain where people can just hang out. I found Abujans very calm and simple. Also positive. There were a coupla visible "see me" individuals, especially among the Nigerians in Europe and N. America who were in Abuja for a large conference on S&T. Many were staying with their large families in the Hilton (whoa!). Then there were all these Nigerians filling the Business class flight from LHR to Abuja. Never been on any flight to Africa like that. I was impressed but some Nigerian friends say, these were showing off. Nigerians are ostentatious. I really have no qualms with that.
The goverment bldgs look like Hotels. The staff at the Hilton were very friendly and professional. The services at the Hilton were 100%. I'd def stay there again, without hesitation. The Hilton is also a happening place every night with live entertainment and plenty of sitting area if you don't want to be in your room. Plus there was plenty of places to go for an evening if one wanted to.

There is also Aso Rock where the Nigeria State House resides. I was trying to upload a better pic with friends of mine but can't seem to find it.

Abuja looked so green and lavish. I would move and live in Abuja in a heartbeat. It is always good for the public to see where the tax payers money goes...Even if it's just a few initiatives. This is the Unity Fountain, near the Hilton, with all the States of Nigeria written around it.

Where is Nkrumaism in Ghana?

2007-08-28T00:39:00.000+03:00

I took these pics on my recent trip to Ghana (17th to 23rd August), where I was representing my office at the launch of a case study on http://www.foundation-partnership.org/pubs/ghana/. Ghana is an interesting place. I guess with all my panafricanism..i was hoping to be hit by PanAfricanism. Also Ghanaians that I have known before my maiden trip to their country are simple and easy, and I thought they were very "Africanist".

Sadly, I didn't get the same experience while I was there. In contrast to Nigeria or Senegal, they are seemed to be so "Englished" like we Anglophone East Africans. Not many wore African clothes or Kente, for that matter. Sometimes I got confused whether people were dressed for work or leisurely stralls in the city (now this is not E. African). I don't mean to disrespect either but I was kinda taken aback. Overall people were still calm and friendly from the hotel, to the public shopping grounds and in the Greater Accra Area.

Also, I didn't feel the Nkrumaism within Accra, much to my dismay. You know how you feel the spirit of the country's founders when you visit? For instance, you can feel the spirit of Senghor or Senegal's "intellectualism" when you visit. There's a sense of satisfaction among Senegalese (at least I stayed longer enough to feel it). In Senegal, when a journalist writes defamatory remarks about the President, the President's supporters respond with a book..not sticks or war..like we do in Uganda. I didn't really feel Nkrumah's vision of Ghana or Africa among Ghanaians. Although there's now a Nkrumah monument and burial ground open for public viewing
I went around with a friend of mine, Kwame from Boston connections, who is in Accra doing PhD research. Both Kwame and Faith Nkrumah are laid to rest in this magnificent looking place...Another display of our pretense at honoring the dead when we persecuted them while they were alive. Well, at least they were honored. Perhaps that should suffice. There is also a be-headed statute of Kwame Nkrumah and a torn leg, which I understand happened following the coup that overthrew him from power.

One more thing. Ghana is also quite pricy, especially now that the dollar ain't doing too well. When I was there, the dollar was 1Ghanaian Cedi=US$.98. The Kente is also pricey as is linen..couldn't understand why especially since most of these prints are made in Ghana. And this was in the local market. But then again, this explains partly why ordinary Ghanaians can't wear their own clothes and always await the ugly bales from US or Europe, with the leftover passed down clothes. One of my drivers from the market told me his wife doesn't wear Ghanaian bracelets because she is a Christian (i.e., they are considered demonic). I gave him a huge lecture about supporting local industry and the growth of the country. Typical African! I must say though that the Accra market impressed me. But there were some similarities with my Uganda--the potholes, the open sewage, the trash everywhere and the traffic jam. Sadly, there are no boda bodas to escape the traffic

face off

2007-08-28T00:31:00.001+03:00

I guess there's really nothing to say about these two pics...these are pics I love coz I love pics..and also I love pics I take by myself...so, I thought it would be an interesting way to start off the blog..and there we are...define for yourself...adios

Y the imac is HOT!

2007-08-27T23:48:00.001+03:00

Koodi

2007-08-17T02:13:00.001+03:00

So, I am done with procrastinating..that I'll start a blog..and I don't do it..in fact I can just post over lunch or something..now I am here..and no wind will blow me away...good to be able to create a space where I can share my thoughts..and my wild dreams and fantasies and observations..in fact i can share my pics too...so, looking forward so very much...cheers

I love New York City

2007-08-17T02:12:00.001+03:00

New York City is ever my city...perhaps at par with Kampala...sometimes I wonder which one I love better...Kampala or NYC...not to forget ATL...Which I also love in the a different way...But this is my love about NYC...this morning as I was coming to the office, I stopped by that corner kiosk where i go to sometimes for a bagel or an apple..this lady came to buy a blue berry muffin but she had a $20 bill..the seller didn't have change, so he told her to pay tomorrow...ONLY in NYC..in america where prices are fixed, for the most part and there's no bargaining, you don't find this..But you know, we live iin NYC (not America--oops)..the other day, I went to buy food and was short by about 75 cents..he said, that's fine..and that's another guy..you can bargain here...

This city has all the features of a traditional society...yet it's also very modern...In NYC you can be anything, with anyone, at any time...becoz first of all, there are many "freebies", many happy hours, many this and that opening.;.many free tickets to win to fun shows...So it never tires...never wears down...you can actually live in NYC very cheap...but you can also live very very expensively in NYC...well, rent is high rocketing...that, I won't even go into...to get a place...where you can have the city to yourself (who I am fooling--and the XXX millions of others) 24-7..one needs to pay leg in mouth (if I may create my expression)...yet byond that, you can also eat, wear, party and socialize cheap...for instance, there are shoes for $2K here just as there are shoes for $5K..same style...but perhaps different streets and or stores...If you go to Madison (5th Avenue) it will be different story that if you went to Conway (or as we say Runway)...Same style but different prices...

I tell people, NYC is the only place where you can meet people on the subway speaking about 15 languages and none of which is English...becoz it's a city for everyone...and these people aint just tourists...they live here...and they all claim to New Yorkers...well, we'll think we are New Yorkers...I am NYker...Whereas one cannot become a Bostonian even if lived all 10 years if you are not originally from Boston, one can become a New York in just a month (who cames about Boston, anyway!!) New Yorkers can also be friendly but also brash and sasy...don't know nobody else who can beat that except the restuarant servers in Kampala. People will hangout with strangers and have a ball, but then step outside the door and forget that they know you..don't try to great a stranger on the streets coz they might think you are asking for change..and hello no! we don't all keep lots of money flying around...You've been watching too many hip hop videos with "The Benjamins" thrown around..Remember, that aint New York...tis the South (I gat my luv for da South-I am from A-Town, remember?)..So, if you are asking for directions, just go straight...And if you are male, be louder and perhaps go to males or mid-aged ladies...ask my young bro who was visiting the city, got straded and failed to get any stranger stop to listen to him...he was bringing his Uganda hospitality to us...Well, that's done in the South...and perhaps some parts of Brooklyn..

And you know, I love me some brooklyn...I am a BK gal...we stay fly...straight up fly..I love BK....tis the place to people...I work in Manhattan, but home is indeed home in BK...I love to feel that I am living the work, crazy environment and going far away from the fumes..but close enuff to get back to Manhattan...BK has everybody--Italian, Jews, Caribbeans, Black people, Spanish, Hungarians, Russians, Vietnamese, Chinese, you name it...we gat til all...and we gat it in style..OK some neighborhoods are grouped by origin or creed...but we also got our park slopes, prospect hghts, crown hgts, fort green, clinton hill...Where everybody is...If I forgot any other place...sorry...but this is coz these are places I go to...Oh! did I forget those Brits and French...They are there too...and of course not to forget, MADIBA--the famous South African Restaurant with no investment or tips going to H.E. our PROSPECT PARK.....even Central park can't chase...we gat' all..and we luv't like that..

even with all the rats, smelly subway, cosmetic on the outside but rotting in the inside shoe box apartments, stuffy air, hot summer...we do love NYC...our city and my love for is 4-reel..I love this city, I love its fashion, its spirit..its never ending fun and surprises and happiness...in New York, you can stay single for-ever and nobody cares...even the 40yr olds believe they are still young..don't tell that to my friends in Uganda who at 25yrs believe, you should not love clubs (night) like young kids..eeh! anyway, I gatta put in some work hours..as I said, tis all about THE....BENJAMINS!! l8tr!

entering the inforev

2007-08-17T01:56:00.000+03:00

So, I am done with procrastinating..that I'll start a blog..but then I don't do it..in fact I can just post over lunch or something..now I am here..and no wind will blow me away...good to be able to create a space where I can share my thoughts..and my wild dreams and fantasies and observations..in fact i can share my pics too...so, looking forward so very much...cheers